Yay CSA!

Tomorrow begins another season of my CSA subscription to Mattawoman Creek Farms.

What's a "CSA" and what's a "Mattawoman"?

Rewind to Spring 2009 when I'm having my bi-weekly adjustment by most fabulous chiropractor, Dr. Mark Haynes, when he mentions to me "something something something CSA Subscription something something". Naturally I ask, "What's a CSA?"

Now Dr. Mark and his also chiropractor wife, Dr. Celeste McLean, should be the poster-couple for two of the healthiest-looking people on the planet.  I am totally not exaggerating here--any of you who know them will positively second my opinion.  I mean they are gorgeous.  Have you ever noticed that?  Super healthy=Super gorgeous??  Every time.  In a nutshell, they make their own yogurt and "juice" everything in sight.  Need I say more?  Yes! I feel strongly compelled, after shallow-sounding gorgeous remarks, to say that that they are ALSO two of the nicest, kindest, peaceful, happy, and extremely professional people I'm lucky enough to know.

I will say more about Dr. Mark and Dr. Celeste in future posts--I've included them in my cast of characters--they both, especially Dr. Mark, have been a huge influence on my lifestyle and my attitude about good health ...of which I have a long way to go .....but still ......here! check them out: Coastal Chiropractic, Norfolk and Virginia Beach, VA

Anyway, Dr. Mark explains that CSA stands for Community Supported Agriculture and quite often is shorthand for a "subscription" during the growing season (approx. May thru Sept) to a weekly infusion of fresh, locally-grown, organic (in most cases), delicious, seasonal produce from a local farmer.  So I was lucky and was able to receive a subscription last spring (they typically fill up fast) and Thing One, Thing Two, & I ate fresh veggies & fruit 'til they were flying out of our ears, all summer!  I was grateful to Dr. Mark for tipping me off and to my new favorite organic farmers Rick & Janice of Mattawoman Creek Farms.

This year I was first in line for a subscription.  My friend MEC (hi MEC!) and I are actually sharing a subscription this year because I wasn't joking about the veggies.  They were flying everywhere.  Overflowing everything.  My refrigerator could barely close and it pains me greatly to admit that I had to throw some of it away because we couldn't eat it fast enough :-(  So I'm hoping the sharing-plan works better with my little, not-so-little family.

Our pick-up day is every Thursday in the Shorebreak Pizza parking lot from 4:00-6:00: just find the big, white refrigerated truck, pull up next to it, tell the nice man (who is sometimes Farmer Rick, but is usually someone else who I think works on the farm?) who's sitting on the tailgate, usually reading a book, whether you have a standard or large-sized box, sign your initials next to your name, say a few nice things to the man while he gets your box out of the truck (since you have a "thing" for farmers who read), tell him "thank-you, see you next week!", put your veggies/fruit in the cooler you've fabulously remembered to bring along (not necessary, but nice), and get your a** home cuz kale soup is waiting to be made!!!!!

Thing One and Thing Two were indeed subjected to kale soup last year.  To their credit, they both tried it without much arm-twisting but even I had to admit, I need to tweak that recipe.  There is an art to southern-cooking and I need some art classes!

Oh, and I have NO idea what a Mattawoman is.  

 *****

OMG!  Even I'm not this crazy: Back Away from the Bok Choy, Ma'am! (and btw MEC, we are getting bok choy in the box tomorrow!)

It's Been Real Lee Hall, Room 740

Mom ....really?

Thing One is home after his freshman year at college. I remember last summer when it finally hit me that he was leaving, I spent four days in a depressed fog feeling devastated and crushed at the prospect of life without him.  Ridiculous considering that theoretically I'd known he was "leaving" for months.  But the instinct to parent is a "gathering-in" instinct, not a "pushing-away" instinct.  I  privately prepared for the worst when we left him at school in August.

It turned out that my big melt-down was those four days in the summer.  Saying our final good-byes was a breeze because it was a long, tedious, very hot day moving him in and we were all rather sick of each other by the end of it.  Here's to exhaustion usurping emotion!

I will say that Ex played a very large role in the tedium of that day, so when it came time this week to cross the state to bring Thing One home for the summer, I expertly appealed to Ex's workaholic-ness which worked like a charm.  He stayed home and I went to Blacksburg.

Moving Thing One out was still exhausting, but without Ex's anxiety and controlling nature, it was a calm exhaustion--one that makes room for emotion.  I had a moment to contemplate what a difference 9 months makes: Thing One has lots of friends. Thing One is happy here. Thing One is looking forward to returning in the fall. Thing One has grown-up a little bit.

I say out loud, "I wish I'd known last summer what I know now".  I think inwardly that the knowledge would have saved me a lot of grief. 

But then I realize, maybe not?  The kind of knowledge that saves grief is an earned thing.  I think about my own journey this past 9 months: Thing Two and I have created a nice routine sans Thing One. I started this blog. I am officially seeking a writing job. I have grown-up a little bit too.

Then I laugh when I suddenly focus on the checklist taped to Thing One's dorm-room door which I'm leaning on in my reverie ......it's the official checking-out checklist for Lee Hall which includes all the standard items:

                              1. Remove all personal belongings

                              2. Sweep and mop floor

                              3. Clean sink area

                              4. Close windows and blinds

                              5. Turn in key to R.A.

                                  and written in blue highlighter at the bottom ...

                              6. Take a shit!

Thing One says it wasn't him that wrote it.   

*****

Don't EVEN ask how we got this picture!

Post-It Note Tuesday #9

PS--how many moments fit into an hour and a half??

The List Version

Ok I know I've been vague about my blog-absence.  As a writer I cringe at this vagueness.  So the stickler soon-to-be-a-professional-writer-hopefully part of me has made a "list version" of yesterday's I'm Back post to assuage my writer's-guilt because there's almost no writer's-crime worse than vagueness. 

But this is a BLOG and "I Blog With Integrity"! (see below, right)  And most of my excuses reasons! for not blogging involves other people/things who/which ........maybe I shouldn't write about?  Herein lies the vagueness.

My solution is a list with special notations where details would not be integrity-less. 

Here goes.  "So I know.  I have been absent." (beginning of yesterday's post) because:

1) I began doubting my focus on You Must Take Your Chance--if you ask me, recipes and cleaning tips don't fit well into the taking-chances department.  I became disappointed in myself.  But friend MEC (hi MEC!) recently pointed out that she likes following blogs in which one day is profound and the next day is a pronounced un-profound.  Which is a very freeing notion for me because, seriously folks, I am a Gemini and a truer-Gemini than moi cannot exist.  I am all over the place in the emotion and intelligence (What? Star signs don't dictate intelligence .........? Are you sure??) departments.  You've probably noticed this if you've been following this blog--some posts are hilarious (in my not-humble opinion) and some are so friggin' deadly serious you all are afraid to comment in case the deadliness is contagious through comment-leaving.

PS--btw that is a distinct trend I've noticed.  Serious posts beget far fewer comments than lighthearted posts.  Which is completely ok.  For me too, it's easier to comment on silly stuff.

So my focus may seem out-of-focus at times.  But I promise I will never forget that I'm writing about taking chances, ok?

2) I think I got quite literally depressed about the earthquake that struck Haiti.  However one of my best posts came out of that tragedy (omg, did I just write that?  Please re-read, fighting off all messages from your brain screaming "INSENSITIVE!" "CRASS!!" SMALL MINDED!!!" SELF-ABSORBED!!!!" I don't mean to sound like I benefited from Haiti's anguish at all), and/but it's one of my favorite posts. 

Haiti-to-90999

3) My friend died.

dear kathleen
Heartbroken Cartoon Saturday

4) I broke-up with boyfriend Steve.  Who I still love.  There!  I said it!!

Dumb Blogger keeps removing this post due to copyright infringement issue.  I have to guess at what they're offended by--then I fix--then they keep having cow over said "issue".  If they would only tell me exactly what they're having a coronary over I would gladly oblige.  Look for link to this post in the future if Blogger & I can ever get on the same page. (darn it! ....it's a good post too)

5) Ex and I continue to be co-dependent and dysfunctional (Alisa--notice how I include myself in this diagnosis?).  So I am in the process of re-defining relationship with Ex because we do have Thing One & Thing Two together and we were married twenty years and (as I've told many of my friends) even though I'm nauseous over how many roses are coming up in his life, I don't exactly wish him death either.  But it's difficult to change your relationship with someone.  The "someone" usually doesn't like it. (The Dance of Anger, anyone? great book on this subject. should read if you have any relationships)

He's loves to "confide" in me occasionally, certain aspects of his love-life.  Which is simultaneously gross and front-row-seat-at-a-train-wreck--ish.  I can't help but be rapt over the second aspect.  The first aspect I could live without.  But therapist has convinced me that neither aspect is good for me.  Ohhh .....if only I didn't Blog With Integrity .......the stories I could tell ........

6) Certain extremely close family members (as in parents)(as in both) have been diagnosed with several, separate, serious medical conditions and have undergone serious procedures these past few months.  Despite this, they are strong and independent and have not needed any help from me.  And despite this, I am sad.

7) The number one you-must-take-your-chance item facing me is .........finding myself a full-time job that is (hopefully) rewarding and gives me a regular stream of wheelbarrows full of self-respect.  Oh and a "giving back to the world somehow" quality would be cool too.  This item scares the living merde out of me. (thanks Delana! you made me think about merde today!!)(oh and sorry, all, for grossness of next-to-last statement)  Yep this one is my super scary monster you must take your chance challenge.  I'm making it sound funny, but I'm not laughing at all .....

My current part-time job at an accounting firm (in which I am simply an administrative assistant but which has gotten me through the past 3 years beautifully) is a great job.  But there is no full-time position available and plus a writer in an accounting firm is rather a square peg ........I need to get seriously job searching.  Now.  And I need this blog to blog about it.  And my boss reads my blog (well he knows about it anyway ....).  If you haven't added 2+2 yet, let me break it down another way: Me looking for another job + Boss reading about said job search=Uncomfortable atmosphere at work.  Or =Me-no-even-part-time-job-anymore.

All is well though.  I've recently spoken to fabulous boss (hi Pat!) about my need to find a full-time position that is both professionally and financially rewarding.  And he completely understands.  So now I can agonize about it here all I want!  I'll bet you can't wait .....

8)  I've gained twenty pounds over the past four years.  Am particularly noticing this "difference" the closer I get to almost-19 & 17-years-ago-pregnancy weight.  WTF!!!!!!!!!!

Don't ask me how this affected my blog writing.  But it did.

9) Experienced Thing-One's first heartbreak with him.  I never realized how heartbreaking it is when your child is heartbroken.

Honestly, this seriously set me back.  Of course I won't blog about it (any more than this).  Thing One is my most loyal reader. (hi Thing One!)  Btw, isn't that dear of him?

10) Did I mention I lost faith in myself?  I just ......did.  Despite my frequent ditzi-ness, I'm also kinda anal and perfectionistic and decidedly not ditzi.  And .....I AM A WRITER.  As such this blog is that seed I'm nurturing.  My standards for my craft are high yet I'm the first to say I'm not "there" yet in the craft.  I've got much to learn and skills to hone.

So please forgive the occasional "dumb", "less than inspiring", "huh?" post.  And forgive my occasional "absences".  I know my Gemini-self well--both will happen occasionally.  Please have faith in me when I've apparently lost faith.  I will eventually find it again.  I will always come back.

Oh duh!  11) I work in an ACCOUNTING FIRM and it was TAX SEASON!

Thank-you! my dear reader-friends for hanging with me.

Bathroom Cleaning Tip

All right, all right ....Alisa politely inquired (see comment in Catch-Up Week) about the whereabouts of the promised "Who is ...?" post that was supposed to be posted last night.  Answer: Well it's ready except I've somehow LOST all the pictures of the "Who is ...?" subject!  And this particular "Who is ...?" really requires A LOT of pictures because he (clue) is SO CUTE (tantalizing teaser clue). 

Several weeks ago in preparation for this post, I asked Thing One (for new readers Thing One is my oldest son who goes to school at Virginia Tech) and Thing Two (sixteen year-old head-banger son at home) to email me their pictures of "Who is ...?" because they have some really good pic's taken of him with their phone-cameras.  They both dutifully complied.  And now I can't find them even though whenever I clean out my Email inbox (which is only every 2 months or so, but which I did 2 days ago), I always (very clever) leave all old Emails in the deleted folder in case I need to retrieve one later.  So all deleted items sit there for 2 months until the next big clean-out.  Fool proof!

Apparently not because the pictures from both boys are nowhere to be found.  So am now waiting for both Things to send them again .....heh, heh.  Can't nag about it too much either.  One Thing is in class in Blacksburg right now and the other Thing is in class in Chesapeake right now (both claimed to be studying last night)  ....really?? (eye's squinting in disbelief) 

Sigh.  Can't stand self-incompetence or I'm-busy-studying deception!

*****

In the meantime, Alisa asked me if I have any bathroom cleaning tips since I announced yesterday I was zipping off to scrub toilets & things.  I thought, Me?  Cleaning tip?? No ..... but then I thought, Yes!!! I DO have a cleaning tip!

This may not be terribly original, but if you don't happen to use Mr. Clean's Magic Eraser® already, you're seriously missing out on the best thing to remove soap scum in history.  NOTHING removes soap scum except this baby.  And you must buy the "Extra Power" with the ridges:

Don't mess around with any other Magic Eraser® rendition.  This one works the best and lasts the longest.  Umm nice.  No wonder I like Mr. Clean it so much!

Oh I must add there is a serious amount of elbow-grease involved here, but I'm usually so excited so see so much soap scum going down the drain and telling myself that slim, muscular arms will be envy of all that I don't mind.  OMG!  Just realized I have First Ever Cooking Tip and First Ever Cleaning Tip posted in the same week.  Eech!  Am regressing to Domestic Goddess ....not part of the "finding my bliss" plan!!

(plan involves finding my bliss in area that pays so profusely that I, in-turn, pay maid to be domestic goddess for me)

PS--"Who is ...?" will post as soon as Things (eye-rollingly) get around to sending me their pictures again.

Hokie Snow

Thing One was getting lots of snow in Blacksburg at Virginia Tech the same time we were having our big snow bonanza this past weekend so I asked him to send some snow pictures.  He first sent me this one (from his dorm room window) which I told him was about as lame as it comes and that I certainly hope he's putting more effort into school than he is in taking snow pictures for his mother's blog:

Gee thanks Thing One

So then he sent me these pic's ......good job honey!  You're redeemed!!  Thank-you. 

Thing One focused most of these pictures on the central feature of the campus which is the Virginia Tech drillfield.  It's at the heart of the campus; one could easily argue it is the heart of Virginia Tech landscapically (ok so that's not an actual word, but it should be) speaking.  And no offense to Thing One but pictures really don't do the drillfield justice.  It's huge; it's the most spectacular gathering point; it's fringed with one hundred year-old trees (maybe older, just guessing?); it has classroom buildings on one side and dormitories on the other (all built in famous Hokie Stone); at one end of the drillfield is the Virginia Tech War Memorial and the other end is open to the rest of the campus.  It is beloved by the students and apparently at least one parent because until this very moment I had no idea how much I [heart] that drillfield.  Suffice to say it's practically profound!

Get it?  Red Bull gives you wings ....cute

A Conversation Between You & Me

What will I be doing one week from today you ask?  (you were going to ask me that right?)
I will be winging to Nashville!  Tennessee!!  For this:

What's this you ask?
It's a bloggers conference.  Now I'm a little mad they stole my "bliss" idea .......

How long have I been blogging you ask? 
Three months.

They had Blissdom '09 last year you say? And Blissdom '08 the year before?
Oh.  Well then they should consider giving me a discount since they & I are obviously of like mind!

*****

Ok, so I totally can't wait!  But I'm also somewhat intimidated.  I'm going by myself!  And I've only been doing this for a few months!!  OMG what was I thinking!!! 

Oh and btw I don't have a laptop *bombshell* I know.  I told everyone at work yesterday ...

(I have never once brought up my part-time job at a small accounting firm in Virginia Beach .....I've been saving it for a future post(s) ......I love it and work with some v-e-r-y fascinating people (hi y'all!) ......and wrapping up--get your tax stuff to your accountant NOW!!!! ......you can thank me for this very excellent advice on April 15th) 

...so yesterday I told everyone at work about the Blissdom conference.  They all looked at me rather mystified as I prattled on about the accommodations and the fact that Harry Connick, Jr. will be singing for us Saturday night and that I'm determined not to buy one single article of new clothing for this grand adventure (my M.O. is to run out and buy expensive things right before an exciting trip) and that I don't have a laptop which is a bit like arriving at a polo tournament without your horse!  As I said--mystified.

Two days ago, I called Ex who recently bought himself a very pretty, apple-red Dell laptop .......to ask if I could borrow his old laptop for the conference.  When I asked him he said "no" at which point I was congratulating myself for divorcing this "doesn't share well with others" person when he said ......are you ready for this? ........"I'm planning on getting you one of your own".  Really??!!  choke  He's pleased because for once, I'm speechless. 

Disclaimer: remember reconciliation is completely and totally not ever going to be a concept--I said before that I would occasionally say nice things about Ex--we're just a great divorced couple who mostly are pretty darn nice to each other.  He apparently plans to be nice about a new laptop!  We shall see.  Oh in case you're wondering too since it's now in writing on my blog if I'm using this as coercion, don't worry about that either--Ex doesn't read my blog.  Umm let's see, he's probably asked me the name of my blog fifteen times so far because he keeps forgetting  [really?]  Reconciliation?  Uh no, never.  Even if there is a laptop in my near future.

While we're on the subject, here's an update on Steve (who also never reads my blog and has no idea what it's called even though a number of his friends (hi Randy!) read it and, even, remember the name of it ......mental note: find nice man who shows a passing interest in my interests) Ok Steve update: we are not together anymore but we've talked a couple of times.  So that's good.  I don't want him out of my life for good.  I need him around for comic relief!  But as Randy recently said "Lord help the woman that loves him!!" and, I think, he was talking to me .....

Enough for today.  Tomorrow ...what's a Poken?

Sad? Lonely?? Go Pick Up A DROID

Yesterday I took Thing One to Verizon because his cell phone’s space-key doesn’t work anymore and the connection between his charger & phone has completely fizzled.  He’s going back to school soon and his phone has become essentially worthless.

Remember Thing One goes to Virginia Tech? He’s enrolled in the School of Engineering, majoring in Computer Science, and has a 4.0 so far. Naturally I’m quite proud, even more relieved, and completely bamboozled as to where he gets his good sense from ……..

In any case, into the cell phone store yesterday, he & I traipse. I know that in some sly fashion, or else in a blatantly un-sly fashion (they don’t care!), I always get “had” at Verizon every time I cross its threshold. So I’m not nearly as enthused as Thing One is on this errand.

It’s been a rough week for me as many of you who have kindly sent your kind regards my way (I am so very appreciative, please know) are aware. I’m rather “just going through the motions” which is completely normal after a >four-year relationship comes to an end so let’s not indulge me too much. As a matter of fact, in the “things could be much worse” department, the morning after my sad-sack-last-post, I was off to work when I saw that a home in my neighborhood had gone up in flames!!!!!!!!! There’s crime scene tape everywhere and blackened, broken windows that have been wide open this whole 20 degree weather weekend, replete with singed draperies flapping in and out of the frigid breeze. Awful. From what I gather, no one was hurt and the stove had been left on. But seriously, in that light, I was humbled.

Still …..I’m sad.

But at Verizon I am cheerfully informed that my contract is up for renewal which means that I can buy a new phone at an insanely inflated price, but wait!! It’s a good deal because without the new contract the new phone costs $10 million dollars! So it’s a STEAL!!!!!!???

Now I’ve been happy with my nifty phone—it’s only two years old. It’s working fine and only shows signs of wear where the salt water literally “burned off” the pretty chrome parts when me & my book club girlfriends (Hi you guys!) were caught out in a hurricane-style, sudden thunderstorm one, initially, lovely summer evening at the beach this past August. Suffice to say it became a rather dripping wet keystone cops affair and we were quite lucky that we weren’t struck by lightening, and that in the end, it was only my pretty phone that gave away the rather insane aspects of the ordeal. (read: my phone spent the evening swimming around in the tidal pool created in my beach bag along with my sunscreen and sunglasses that naturally had been rendered completely useless by the current state of affairs—i.e. a hurricane). And naturally, as these brushes with danger go, we laughed ourselves silly when it was all over and broke open countless bottles of wine to celebrate our aliveness.

The salesman at Verizon began taking Thing One & I around the store on a tour of every inflated-priced phone they are currently offering (read: all of them). Now I have been mildly flirting with the idea of my next phone being a Smartphone; particularly since I started blogging in October and even more particularly since everyone else seems to be having so much fun Tweeting and me & my pretty phone just look at each other and say “Tweet” …what?

So I say to the salesman, what about this phone?

Long story short-ish, not only did I end up with the world’s currently most spectacular cell phone—YEP!!!! The Motorola DROID! But so did Thing One! (he used his own money) And he & I have been out of our minds obsessed with our new phones now for the past 32 hours!

Me & Thing One

I was playing with it in bed at 4:30 this morning and I got only approximately four hours of sleep last night.

I’ve had to fully charge it three times already—its only drawback-so far.

Thing One and I keep running through the house to tell each other about something new & amazing we just discovered our new phones do, or some ridiculous cool App we found. We’re texting & tweeting & emailing each other constantly. Did you know that all the smiley emoticons (there are like fifty different one’s right on the keyboard!) are smiley’s, but they’re little smiley DROIDS??????? Cute! (turns out you only see them as droids if you have a DROID, but who cares?!)

And the Apps!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!! There’s an App to make your phone a vibrator!!! (no! I did not download that …) There’s an App, in case you don’t have a coin handy, for flipping a coin—it puts a virtual coin on your screen and with a flick of your wrist, it’s heads or tails!! There is a Fartdroid App that makes numerous different fart noises with names like “poot”, “ker-plop!”, “sqeeky”, and (ick) “rim shot”. I know this because I did download Fartdroid. The icon is the cutest little droid farting and I couldn’t resist it.

Oh there are really practical Apps too. How about the Google Places App, Thing One found? Which for any attraction, bank, bar, coffee shop, gas station, hotel, hospital, movie theater, parking lot, restaurant, shopping mall, & taxi stand, will alert you to it’s nearby existence and literally point the way! As if you would, in Frankenstein-with-a-divining-rod fashion, stumble your way there! But seriously, how cool!

I may have to write just a few more posts on the subject because I haven’t even touched on how hilarious the chasm is between the speed at which Thing One had his DROID up & humming along, already running fifty Apps, while I’m still quizzically turning my DROID over & over trying to find the “on” switch.

Needless to say, Thing One has been more helpful to me than I have been to him. (I did tell him about the Fartdroid App though)

And can you imagine poor Thing Two—who managed to lose his phone a year ago and then, quite fortunately under the circumstances, received a new one because it was such a pain in his mother’s a** that he didn’t have a phone anymore. Now his “new” phone is a year old and he is not eligible for a “new-new” phone. The shenanigans between Thing One & I this past day are about to make him, I’m guessing, puke. He now has to cope with merely owning a plain phone that was once the envy of Thing One’s eye (who couldn’t believe his brother lost a phone and then promptly gets it replaced with a new, cooler phone)(but I explained that already), but sadly one year later pales in comparison to our DROIDS. He's coping by playing non-stop Grand Theft Auto IV which I allowed him to use his own money to buy yesterday while I was in my “looky my new phone!” haze. I can hear it downstairs right now honking and crashing into guardrails and spewing out lots of bad words that I would normally not tolerate except I’m so in love with my new phone that I’m walking into walls instead of making sure my child is playing a more suitable game.

Overview:

Nothing soothes a broken heart better than a new cell phone.

Thing One and I have bonded over said phones and he’s a genius in the “technology" department to my “dunce-cap” level of knowledge in said department.

Thing Two has been spoiled in the past but is now paying the price by not having the coolest phone on the planet (anymore) and having to witness Thing One’s and my googly-eyed obsessions with our new phones. At least he has the consolation prize of being left alone with his violent, potty-mouthed X-Box game.

I’ll try not to write ad-nauseum too much more about DROID ….but it’s hard because there is so much more to tell and I admit, I focused too much today on the silliness and not enough on the many seriously respectable qualities of my new boyfriend.

And finally, definitely on a serious note, let’s pray for the nice people in the burned-out house and remind ourselves not to accidentally leave the stove on.

Award!

Favorite Blog-Award!!

Thanks Kimberly, one of my favo bloggers, for giving me an award!  I'm thrilled to pieces!!  I am supposed to list Ten Favorite Things and Ten Favorite Bloggers.  Fun!!!  What a great way to start 2010--mulling over favorite things.  Ok, here goes, neither list in any particular order:

Ten Favorite Things

1 .....Thing One and Thing Two of course!

Christmas Picture 2009--love those two nuts in santa hats!

Christmas Picture 2005--interesting study in contrast!

2 ......Steve, genius, bass-player boyfriend!

Nice hands ......just sayin'

3 .....on my first visit to San Francisco (where Steve lives), we were running errands in the city when he told me to close my eyes.  I could feel him pull the car to the curb and park--then he told me to open my eyes!  Now, at this point, I had seen all the major SF landmarks.  As I'm sure you know San Francisco is an absurdly beautiful, vividly alive city.  And I know this sounds stupid-dramatic but I immediately loved San Francisco with all my heart.  As most of you know too, I am a mostly unpublished poet, so far, but I am a poet nonetheless.  So when I opened my eyes, I was simultaneously stunned at his thoughtfulness and at my shocking lack of inquiring mind for this infamous SF landmark--since I had just six months prior submitted a paper about one of my top-poet idols who literally haunted this place and set the stage for the famous beat poets!  (Kenneth Rexroth--we shall talk about him later)  Why hadn't I thought of City Lights Books??  And truly, how dear it was that Steve had!!! 

Note the banners ......picture taken shortly after the "Mission Accomplished" debacle

hee, hee

Note Steve ....incessantly on phone booking gigs and ......

Vesuvio's (yellow) next door to City Lights where the Beats would drink themselves silly into wee hours of the morning and subsequently write brillz (thanks Josh, lurv this word) poetry

  

Inside City Lights ......Poetry Room upstairs!

And finally .....nirvana=extremely favorite thing

4 .....the sweet smell of the grass, the sea, and silage (very stinky, fermenting "forage plants" (read "grass") that cows love) on the Sherman's Farm, Whidbey Island, Washington.

Ebey's Prairie
Yes, you may fling my ashes here some very distant day

5 .....going to sleep to the sound of waves on the beach.

Cherokee By Design

listen: YouTube--sleepy sounds of beach waves

6 .....the cutest ferret ever!

I know ....I can't believe I haven't mentioned Puck before!
This is darling Puck, our ferret, who will soon be the subject of my next Cast of Characters post.
Stay tuned!!

7 .....singing in the car.  Ok believe it or not, I have no pictures of myself singing in the car.  But I'm not joking about this ....i LOVE to sing and i LOVE to sing in the car the most!!!  Make this little van white and that is me warbling that tune out the window.  PS--interestingly this adorable quality drives musician-boyfriend crazy!!!!  He swears (he does!) that it's not because I'm a bad singer .....but apparently a friend of his growing up used to sing in the car when Steve's mom & dad were driving and it embarrassed Steve that his friend was singing in front of Steve's parents???  Or some nonsense like that?!

Let me fill you all in on a little secret--professional musicians can be jerks about music to non-professionals.  And weirdly lots of them do not like singers!  Who knew??!!  So I'm really into music and humbly feel that I'm rather hip about it (that just tells you right there that I'm not, but anyway) so it's a bummer when you love music, and your best "instrument" is your voice (I've been singing my head off since I was born), and your professional musician boyfriend can't stand singing!  Especially in the car!!  Which just tells me, the non-professional, that he's missing a music-link somewhere ......so there.  La la la! 

http://images.mileone.com/SARAH/Newsletter/September/sing_a_long.jpg

8 .....snow skiing.  I heart snow skiing more than words can describe.  I will just say that I am SO HAPPY when I'm skiing!

From a chair-lift at Snowshoe, West Virginia

(See the moon?)

9 .....Emily Blunt.  My new super-favo actress!!!!  Loved her huge in the most make you laugh--make you cry next, wonderful little movie this year called Sunshine Cleaning  (it's out on DVD now).  And just today!! Saw her in Young Victoria  (if "Trailer" on website doesn't work, try "Video") ..........about Queen Victoria at the beginning of her reign in 1837 and she & Albert's unusually lovely marriage.  Sigh.  Two great movies!!!!  One great actress!! 

Emily Blunt in "Sunshine Cleaning"

Emily Blunt in "Young Victoria"

10 .....Starry night in a clear black sky very far away from civilization. 

There are more stars than you ever knew existed!!!!!!  It makes you feel small.  It makes you feel large.  It makes you feel profound.  It is one of my most favorite things but there's not a picture alive that can do it justice.  Just imagine being outside with no man-made light for miles, in the dark, looking up at the black sky punctuated by zillions of stars .....the sight of which takes your breath away.

*****

Ten (Fifteen!) Favorite Blogs

Oh it's too hard to narrow them to ten .....but these fifteen, so far, are my regular happy reads!

365 Days Of Sun and Terra Del Sole (Thanks again Kimberly for the award!)

Glimpse - Jeanine Payer's Jewelry Blog
The Maaaaa of Pricilla
Let's Have A Cocktail
Lick The Bowl Good
Misadventures With Andi
Josh Is Trashy
i am bossy
Feeding Five For Fifty
Are You There God? It's Me, Generation X
The Pioneer Woman
Quiet Life
my hidden muse
Under The Sheets Shhh

Happy Birthday Thing Two!!

Today is Thing Two's 16th birthday!  Happy birthday honey. I love you!  Oh, to be sixteen again ..........

not a kid--not an adult, driver's license! (fun ...but scary), bad skin, parents not understanding you, YOU not understanding you, teachers not as "nice" as they used to be, curfews, self-conscious--about everything, everyone bugging you about college--already, life in a fishbowl, bad grades? no concerts!, heartbreak (multiple) ......

Note to self: be nice to Thing Two this year.

Not Really Bah! Hum-bug!!

(Jim Carrey, as the miserly Ebenezer Scrooge, in this year's

reincarnation of A Christmas Carol)

And so begins what will likely be a very unpopular post but it's been nagging at me and I simply must write about it.  Note Scrooge .....put here 1) to beat you to the punch and 2) to indicate that I am aware I'm about to come across as Scrooge's modern day great-great-scroogy-grand-child.

George F. Will's recent column in The Washington Post called "The gift of not giving - Solid proof that Uncle Ralph wasted his money" was the first impetus in my thought-process for this post.  And a conversation I had with a respected friend yesterday was my second. 

No,  I take that back .........for some years now I've been struck ........  as I'm scrounging around store after store, after battling tedious traffic, after valiantly scoring a parking space ten miles from the mall--that while my mission is to find the perfect second, third, fourth, & even more (don't forget stocking stuffers!) presents for the same person (like you do for your children & your spouse & other close family & friends?  I totally know you do it too!!), that our Christmastime gift-giving tradition has become insanely stressful, not to mention ridiculous.  Whatever happened to ONE nice thoughtful gift at Christmas?  And Hanukkah for that matter.  Although, and I speak here from experience, at least Hanukkah has maintained a modicum of rationality in the gift-giving department and a primary allegiance to the religious reason it exists.

So that was my first impetus, Mr. Will's column my second, and the conversation with respected friend, third.  Three compelling impetuses (that is a word--I looked it up) equals one potentially controversial, may turn you off, not usually done in the nice little blogosphere I wander around in, post.  But try to retain an open mind as I postulate  .......

I've explained my first revelation about buying sackfuls of presents for each person on your list.  Now for Mr. Will's column:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/11/25/AR2009112502653.html . 

The gist is "...the crux of Yuletide economics which common sense suggests and research confirms, is: Gifts that people buy for other people are usually poorly matched to the recipients' preferences.  What the recipients would willingly pay for the gifts is usually less than the givers paid."

Eminent professor at the University of Pennsylvania Wharton business school, Joel Waldfogel, author of  "Scroogenomics: Why You Shouldn't Buy Presents for the Holidays" is cited in Will's column as saying that in his "conservative estimate (sic) in 2007, Americans spent $66 billion on gifts and produced $12 billion less satisfaction than would have been produced if the recipients had spent the $66 billion on themselves."  In other words, a well respected study found that we wasted approximately $12 billion in 2007 on homely sweaters and hideous ties.

And we all know the feeling, don't we? When you receive that gift where your first thought is OMG! What were you thinking? Don't you know me?? Don't you love me???  Replaced hopefully asap with, well I know they meant well ...smile nice so they know that I hate it like it!!  Add all these collective experiences up, and according to Mr. Waldfogel, it equals $12 billion. I'm surprised it's not more actually.  Although honestly once I get to a paltry $1 billion, I begin to lose perspective on that amount of money. So times that by twelve.

Oh, reading further, George says it much more hilariously than me: "Christmas etiquette involves composing one's face to feign pleasure when unwrapping an unwelcome windfall--say a sweater of an applling color and a style that went out in the 1940s--and murmering "Oh, you shouldn't have" without revealing that you mean exactly that.  Price of the sweater: $50.  Value to recipient: $0.  Actually, less than zero, considering the psychological cost of the forced smile."

Now, on to revelatory conversation with friend yesterday who commented that, really, he just loves having all his loved one's gathered together to "laugh & scratch" (I added that--one of my dad's best expressions) for awhile, have a great meal together, and tell everyone how much you love them.

(Not in a weird embarrassing way--in a lovely memorable way)  (Do we even know how to do that?) 

Now reread that and think about it for a minute.  It might seem lame upon the first run-through, and you might wonder how is that any different than Thanksgiving?  But if you keep thinking about it, at least for me, it becomes much, much more appealing.  It's so real & genuine.  And think how much less stress is involved?!  And as far as Thanksgiving goes, we gather then to be thankful, yes .....it is a uniquely American holiday .......and surely it's implied that we all love each other in November, but the big push seems to be thankfulness and Yay for America! unity.  And eating of course.

So I'm not advocating a new, total hardcore no-presents-sit-around-the-tree-and-stare-at-each-other Christmas tradition.  But this I know: the current economy is hard on everyone, everywhere, and we've learned our gift-buying habits at Christmastime are largely a mind-boggling waste of money; we all know that almost everything we really want we can't ask for (unless someone out there is willing to buy me a new laptop with a nice big hard drive and a giant screen?); and this most especially .......we simply don't tell each other we love them enough.  In my opinion, I think we use gifts too much to do that job. 

Like all the wine & cheese I sent every single Christmas to my uncle and my aunt, both of whom passed away this year, probably was not as meaningful as if I had sincerely told them, even one time, 'I really love you and you've been an important part of my life'.

I know!  I know!  You're thinking, I tell certain people that I love them all the time!  But, speaking for myself, of all the people who currently people and in the past have-peopled my life, who I really and truly love and loved--I've not told the vast majority of them that simple fact.  And I don't think I'm alone in that regard.

Despite the profoundly religious reason we celebrate Christmas, whether we like it or not, Christmas has morphed into a lot more.  Some good.  But a lot bad.  I'm just thinking ......I'm going cut down on the bad parts and focus more on the good parts.  (Thing One and Thing Two must be having a fit right now!)(Don't worry T1 & T2) 

So dear friends in my life and dear family and dear anybody else, when I tell you how much I love you this Christmas, don't feel uncomfortable, just feel good and remember it for the rest of your life.  You'll get a gift too, but according to the experts, it will probably make you feel bad and you'll be hopefully forgetting about it as soon as I walk out the door and you toss it in the trash!

Sometimes I Need A Caveman

I cast myself as the "modern, no nonsense, (invisibly) Z-snapping woman".  If I do say so myself.

I take no guff from no guy.  I tell him immediately, loudly if necessary, when I know he's behaving badly.  And at my medium-age (refuse to say middle-age--"medium-age" much better), I  know every  guy-trick in the book and may, possibly, be rather jaded.  All the boys and men in my life know not to cross me, but of course they do because they're guys, and when it happens they hear about it. 

Hmmph.  After re-reading, am now thinking of re-casting myself as the "b*tch"!

So it pained me greatly when like an uninvited guest, a certain epiphany, knocked on my door last week.  It was actually not a horrible week--I had one night when I couldn't sleep, but I've more than made that up.  So what, then?

#1 Scenario involving guy friend who I've known since we were both 14 years-old--I'm not too good when something not-good happens unexpectedly.

Most people probably aren't great at dealing with the unexpected but I'm pretty sure I'm worse than most.  And this not-good thing that happened wasn't even that bad!  But it hit me wrong for fifty reasons and I reacted quickly and I got pretty upset.  It all went down in a "texting-storm":

me:  I am REALLY not happy with you ....call me!

him: Can't talk now.  Why are you so upset?  You act like this was a life threatening event!

me: You could have at least told me about it!  It's worse than you're making it!  You promised me you would always tell me if something like this happened. I'm so far away ....(sniff)

him: Ugh! I'll try harder but you need to calm down        please.

"You need to calm down (space)(space)(space) please?"  "You'll try?"  I instantly did as I was told and calmed down!  All it took was that "space-space-space please" and I'm fine with you dragging me in my mini-leopard dress into the cave!!!!!!!

#2 Scenario involving boyfriend--I'm tired of fighting with adorable, annoying musician boyfriend who lives on the complete other side of the country.

We haven't seen each other since June which is just too long for a couple to be apart.  Of course long-distance relationships are far from ideal and this one is suffering under the circumstances.  So the other day we were bickering over something I don't even remember now, and he announces that:

"We are going to be ONLY NICE to each other for two weeks!  No resentments.  No annoying behavior.  And if either of us is resentful or annoying, the other one has to ignore it.  For two weeks!" 

Simple, huh?  Will it work?  Probably not.  But it might!  And man!  Boy.  Have I been nice ever since!!  And it's nice ......drag me into the cave and ravish me now, will you?

So what's the deal????  Why is a strong, clear-headed woman folding so easily and letting a (cave)man take charge?  I don't know.  But I know I'm tired of being in charge of everything, all the time.  And I know I'm not right about everything even though I believe I am, most of the time.  #1 scenario--you were right that I was overreacting and you told me politely.  And you didn't make it worse by getting mad  too.  Sensitive, respectful, & calm.  Thank-you.  #2 scenario--you were right that I have not been very nice for awhile and since you took charge and came up with a plan, I will genuinely give it a go.  Plus I love you.

Sigh. 

The epiphany: every now and then ....especially when I'm behaving badly ....I just need a caveman.

Poetry Girl Sunday #5

A few songs on my playlist come from the "Bridget Jones's Diary" soundtrack I bought after I first saw "Bridget Jones's Diary" shortly after I read "Bridget Jones's Diary" (!!!)

Listening to them has made me realize I hadn't seen it for a long time, so last night Thing Two & I watched "Bridget Jones's Diary".

Thing Two--my almost sixteen year-old headbanger--remember?  The one who listens to his iPod in the car with ear-pieces firmly-in-ears because he can't stand the music I listen to ....in all fairness I'm not keen on whatever-metal-band-with-some-word-referring-to-death-in-its-name that he's listening to either.

So he shocked me by asking if he could watch it with me.  During the movie we both laughed our heads off.  BOTH of us, not just me.  I've always related to Bridget.  What woman doesn't?  But I realized, watching my too-cool-for-school teenager as he laughed at Bridget in her ridiculous moments and quietly felt for her in her painful ones, that we ALL relate to her. 

Doesn't it always come to this?  Don't we all just want to hear that people, in particular that certain "top person" ..............that they like us "just as we are"??  In all our ugliness & shortcomings & failures???  That they see also our beauty & our strengths & our moments of grace?

Van Morrison, Someone Like You

Mark Darcy: I like you, very much.

Bridget: Ah, apart from the smoking and the drinking, the vulgar mother and... ah, the verbal diarrhea.

Mark Darcy: No, I like you very much. Just as you are.

Mark Darcy: I don't think you're an idiot at all. I mean, there are elements of the ridiculous about you. Your mother's pretty interesting. And you really are an appallingly bad public speaker. And, um, you tend to let whatever's in your head come out of your mouth without much consideration of the consequences... But the thing is, um, what I'm trying to say, very inarticulately, is that, um, in fact, perhaps despite appearances, I like you, very much. Just as you are.

We all crave that kind of love.  Don't we?

*****

No Amount Of Money

would I take 

to sell away

the bowl of peach

blossoms, the snowy-

owl feather, the strands of hair you

tucked behind my ear,

the blunt stare

when I looked

which unnerved me but
sent small aches

to my toes and my fingers

and the tops of my ears--

the brush-moment 

your rough hand cupped 

my rib cage,

or the first kiss.

                         --LGW

Poetry Girl Sunday #4

I have lost two dear family members this year.   I am 48.  Although it is not the sole domain of my age group--it is a fact of life that the older we get the more people who have mattered in our lives will die.

We humans have a hard time completely grasping death.  In my uncle's case, I hadn't seen him for years.  Yet his death affected me greatly.  I found myself wondering if he had any idea what he really meant to me?  He was an engineer who helped develop the tiles that kept the Apollo capsules from becoming fireballs as they reentered the Earth's atmosphere.  He was a curious-minded inventor.  He was a fun uncle.  He always got down on our level, literally.  There's a picture of my sister & I, we look like we're four & five at the time, on the floor with Omar.  He's showing us something--one of us is pointing excitedly.  We're all three enraptured by the excitment of it all. 

When my boys were approximately the same ages as Lisa & I had been, Mil & Omar came for a visit.  At one point I couldn't find anyone.  Finally I heard noises in the downstairs coat closet.  Omar had the boys in there showing them something you could see only in the dark.  Now, I ask you, if you heard a story about a woman's uncle who had her two little boys in the closet with him, what would you think?  But now that you know Omar, you know.  The piece of titanium alloy that he brought all the way from Los Angeles, just to show the boys, still sits in a place of honor on Thing One's dresser.

Omar was married to my mom's sister.  We all knew that Omar was the most brilliant member of the family--the family he married in to.  In a cruel twist, Omar spent the last ten years of his life losing his mind to something like Alzheimer's.  I never knew exactly what it was.  It didn't matter.  When he died in June on Father's Day, I hadn't seen him for nearly six years.  My every day existence was not going to miss him.  But did he know how much I loved him?  Why didn't I just tell him that, emphatically if necessary, before the end?

Death is so strange.  One second you're there like you've always been.  The next you're not. 

Speaking for myself, I'm not very good at remembering this as I'm caught up in the throes of regular day-to-day living.  I take for granted that you are always going to be a breathing, heart-beating influence in my life. Plus I tend to dwell, stew, on the things and the people and the things about the people that bother me--and often, I have no doubt, I am quite right to be bothered by them.  But when you're gone and it's all over, what is left has little to do with those things I spent so much time stewing on.

I'm going to leave you with two poems today that may seem a little disparate, but if you give them time to simmer together perhaps they will become good food for thought as we gather with our loved ones for Thanksgiving this week.

Those Winter Sundays

Sundays too my father got up early
and put his clothes on in the blueblack cold,
then with cracked hands that ached
from labor in the weekday weather made
banked fires blaze.  No one ever thanked him.

I'd wake and hear the cold splintering, breaking.
When the rooms were warm, he'd call,
and slowly I would rise and dress,
fearing the chronic angers of that house,

Speaking indifferently to him,
who had driven out the cold
and polished my good shoes as well.
What did I know, what did I know
of love's austere and lonely offices?
                                  --Robert Hayden


from To Lou Andreas-Salome

.....For I don't think back; all that I am
stirs me because of you.  I don't invent you
at sadly cooled-off places from which
you've gone away; even your not being there
is warm with you and more real and more
than a privation.  Longing leads out too often
into vagueness.  Why should I cast myself,
when, for all I know, your influence falls on me,
gently, like moonlight on a window seat.
                                   Duino, late autumn 1911
                                   --Rainier Maria Rilke

Gorgeous Things

OMG!!!!!!  It's taken me three friggin' days to figure out how to put an audio link (music link) into my blog!  C'mon Blogger!  You could totally make it easier.  (It's super easy on WordPress .....hello?  hello???) 

But I am here to say that I have learned HTML and CSS, and how to imbed & re-write code.  And fifty-thousand other things I had to figure out, but so "just barely" that I can't express the rest intelligently.  Clearly I'm flying by the seat of my pants here.

But sit back. Click below, on Ms. Joni Mitchell's link, "Both Sides Now", while I extol on gorgeous things ....

Joni Mitchell, Both Sides Now

Music.  It's a huge part of my life.  I have very eclectic musical tastes--the most recent concerts I've attended have been Mark Cohn (in May), Elvin Bishop (in June), Bob Dylan, Willie Nelson, & John Mellencamp (in July),  The Psychodelic Furs and Thievery Corporation (both in October).  That covers blues, folk, pop, rock, punk, & world, socially-conscious music.  Every concert has "done" something good to me--and I am grateful.

Gorgeous Thing #1 - this song.  Don't ask me why I picked it out of all the songs I could have picked for my first official blog song.  Except that it is just plain gorgeous.  It is at once ......sad & wise .......hopeful & unhopeful. Deep and fresh and measured. Introspective and naive.

Maybe "gorgeous" means emotions and memories thrust upon you in all kinds of unexpected combinations?  Emotions that despite their oddball combos, you can relate to .....maybe because of their oddball combinations?  Maybe life is just odd?  Maybe life is always gorgeous if you know which side to be on .....

Gorgeous Thing #2 - dear Steve is playing at Yoshi's--world -class musician boyfriend is playing at the incomparable "Yoshi's" in Oakland, CA  tonight.  http://www.yoshis.com/oakland  His idols have played there.  He's taken me to experience his (mostly jazz) idols playing there.  It ain't easy to get booked at Yoshi's.  And for the first time in his already amazing professional career, he's playing bass like a mad-man, as I write, at Yoshi's.  I'm so proud of him ....

Gorgeous Thing #3  - I'm breathing in & out. I'm not in pain.  I have amazing people surrounding me.  And everything I love is sleeping peacefully or playing bad-ass bass tonight!

The complete truth is that I'm pretty stresssed-out these days.  But what, really, do I have to complain about? 

It will be all right ........

I figured out how to put music on my blog.

*****

"Well, something's lost, but something's gained,

 ....in living every day ...."

Pus or Steve?

Ok ok ok .......the cat's out of the bag anyway because I told Pus about my blog. So Pus=Steve.

I don't know if that's true about "proper bloggers" anyway; what I said in an earlier post about not using real names to protect the innocent.  I spent this entire, gray day inside (except for the walk I just went on) reading other people's blogs and tweaking my little nascent blog.  Man, whoever made up the word "Blogosphere" was not overstating the case--there is a veritable gigantic sphereical PLANET jammed with ka-zillions of bloggers out there!!!!!!  I am sufficiently humbled.

You've probably figured out by now that I have come to blogging by way of throwing-myself-off-the-end-of-a-pier-to-learn-how-to-swim route.  If I ever read a blog before I began writing my 6-day old blog, I don't remember it.  There are a lot of very hip & cool bloggers out there and after today, I've realized I have a LONG way to go before I'm either, much less both.  That said, a lot of these "hipsters" use real names, so I suppose I can too if it strikes me.  On my honor, I promise to ask permission first if any of you out there are afraid I might stick you with a name like "Pus".

My friend MEC has told me no less than 8 or 19 times in the past forty-eight hours, since I first introduced Pus to my readers, that she hates "Pus" (the name, not the guy)  and that reading it makes her up-chuck every time!  Which surprised me because I know it's gross but it's unique and plus there's Puke and Phlegm ........

Have you noticed the nifty "Reactions" widget (blogging word for cool little thing to put on your blog) below each post?  I changed the reactions today to 1) I like 2) made me laugh & 3) I can relate ......since none of you have been mean enough to check off "sucks!" which was sweet of you, and since Miss Delicate Flower, friend MEC, also pointed out to me after up-chucking that she doesn't like that word either.  I'm all for constructive criticism however and I have to admit she may have a point.  However .....(Good writers try to use this conjuntive adverb as little as possible--I just used it twice in two sentences!  Ha!) ....I reserve the right to use the word "sucks" occasionally in my blog because it's a perfect word for such occasions and I long ago got over being offended by it.

So to the point--for the next 24 hours (after which they go back to See Above), I'm going to change the Reactions widget again to 1) Pus? & 2) Steve? ...for you dear readers to register your preference.  Fun!  And I will honor whichever wins giving first dibs though to Pus/Steve if he has a strong preference.  Fair enough?

PS--btw it changes ALL the Reactions on ALL the posts to Pus? or Steve? so  .......I'll get them back to normal tomorrow at this time after the Pus? Steve? poll results are tallied!