Post-It Note Tuesday #10

I was cleaning off the counter 

this morning

wondering what I might do

for Post-Note Tuesday

when

I

was confronted with this

and 

realized

Taking Chances

Ok ....so I can't elaborate (unfortunately) but I took a chance today.  Not a giant one.  But one that kept me up half the night last night and made me pick at my breakfast instead of wolfing it down (like usual) this morning. 

My Facebook friends will be bored since I posted this on Facebook earlier today, but considering my angst about the chance I took, it seemed like a little gift when I received this quote in the form of a Tweet this morning--it totally helped me get through my "chance".  Sorry for redundancy Facebook friends.

Readers, meet Mr. Chris Brogan, the total guru and man's man of social media ......Chris Brogan on Twitter

PS--and I am a leader.  That I do know.

Yay CSA!

Tomorrow begins another season of my CSA subscription to Mattawoman Creek Farms.

What's a "CSA" and what's a "Mattawoman"?

Rewind to Spring 2009 when I'm having my bi-weekly adjustment by most fabulous chiropractor, Dr. Mark Haynes, when he mentions to me "something something something CSA Subscription something something". Naturally I ask, "What's a CSA?"

Now Dr. Mark and his also chiropractor wife, Dr. Celeste McLean, should be the poster-couple for two of the healthiest-looking people on the planet.  I am totally not exaggerating here--any of you who know them will positively second my opinion.  I mean they are gorgeous.  Have you ever noticed that?  Super healthy=Super gorgeous??  Every time.  In a nutshell, they make their own yogurt and "juice" everything in sight.  Need I say more?  Yes! I feel strongly compelled, after shallow-sounding gorgeous remarks, to say that that they are ALSO two of the nicest, kindest, peaceful, happy, and extremely professional people I'm lucky enough to know.

I will say more about Dr. Mark and Dr. Celeste in future posts--I've included them in my cast of characters--they both, especially Dr. Mark, have been a huge influence on my lifestyle and my attitude about good health ...of which I have a long way to go .....but still ......here! check them out: Coastal Chiropractic, Norfolk and Virginia Beach, VA

Anyway, Dr. Mark explains that CSA stands for Community Supported Agriculture and quite often is shorthand for a "subscription" during the growing season (approx. May thru Sept) to a weekly infusion of fresh, locally-grown, organic (in most cases), delicious, seasonal produce from a local farmer.  So I was lucky and was able to receive a subscription last spring (they typically fill up fast) and Thing One, Thing Two, & I ate fresh veggies & fruit 'til they were flying out of our ears, all summer!  I was grateful to Dr. Mark for tipping me off and to my new favorite organic farmers Rick & Janice of Mattawoman Creek Farms.

This year I was first in line for a subscription.  My friend MEC (hi MEC!) and I are actually sharing a subscription this year because I wasn't joking about the veggies.  They were flying everywhere.  Overflowing everything.  My refrigerator could barely close and it pains me greatly to admit that I had to throw some of it away because we couldn't eat it fast enough :-(  So I'm hoping the sharing-plan works better with my little, not-so-little family.

Our pick-up day is every Thursday in the Shorebreak Pizza parking lot from 4:00-6:00: just find the big, white refrigerated truck, pull up next to it, tell the nice man (who is sometimes Farmer Rick, but is usually someone else who I think works on the farm?) who's sitting on the tailgate, usually reading a book, whether you have a standard or large-sized box, sign your initials next to your name, say a few nice things to the man while he gets your box out of the truck (since you have a "thing" for farmers who read), tell him "thank-you, see you next week!", put your veggies/fruit in the cooler you've fabulously remembered to bring along (not necessary, but nice), and get your a** home cuz kale soup is waiting to be made!!!!!

Thing One and Thing Two were indeed subjected to kale soup last year.  To their credit, they both tried it without much arm-twisting but even I had to admit, I need to tweak that recipe.  There is an art to southern-cooking and I need some art classes!

Oh, and I have NO idea what a Mattawoman is.  

 *****

OMG!  Even I'm not this crazy: Back Away from the Bok Choy, Ma'am! (and btw MEC, we are getting bok choy in the box tomorrow!)

The List Version

Ok I know I've been vague about my blog-absence.  As a writer I cringe at this vagueness.  So the stickler soon-to-be-a-professional-writer-hopefully part of me has made a "list version" of yesterday's I'm Back post to assuage my writer's-guilt because there's almost no writer's-crime worse than vagueness. 

But this is a BLOG and "I Blog With Integrity"! (see below, right)  And most of my excuses reasons! for not blogging involves other people/things who/which ........maybe I shouldn't write about?  Herein lies the vagueness.

My solution is a list with special notations where details would not be integrity-less. 

Here goes.  "So I know.  I have been absent." (beginning of yesterday's post) because:

1) I began doubting my focus on You Must Take Your Chance--if you ask me, recipes and cleaning tips don't fit well into the taking-chances department.  I became disappointed in myself.  But friend MEC (hi MEC!) recently pointed out that she likes following blogs in which one day is profound and the next day is a pronounced un-profound.  Which is a very freeing notion for me because, seriously folks, I am a Gemini and a truer-Gemini than moi cannot exist.  I am all over the place in the emotion and intelligence (What? Star signs don't dictate intelligence .........? Are you sure??) departments.  You've probably noticed this if you've been following this blog--some posts are hilarious (in my not-humble opinion) and some are so friggin' deadly serious you all are afraid to comment in case the deadliness is contagious through comment-leaving.

PS--btw that is a distinct trend I've noticed.  Serious posts beget far fewer comments than lighthearted posts.  Which is completely ok.  For me too, it's easier to comment on silly stuff.

So my focus may seem out-of-focus at times.  But I promise I will never forget that I'm writing about taking chances, ok?

2) I think I got quite literally depressed about the earthquake that struck Haiti.  However one of my best posts came out of that tragedy (omg, did I just write that?  Please re-read, fighting off all messages from your brain screaming "INSENSITIVE!" "CRASS!!" SMALL MINDED!!!" SELF-ABSORBED!!!!" I don't mean to sound like I benefited from Haiti's anguish at all), and/but it's one of my favorite posts. 

Haiti-to-90999

3) My friend died.

dear kathleen
Heartbroken Cartoon Saturday

4) I broke-up with boyfriend Steve.  Who I still love.  There!  I said it!!

Dumb Blogger keeps removing this post due to copyright infringement issue.  I have to guess at what they're offended by--then I fix--then they keep having cow over said "issue".  If they would only tell me exactly what they're having a coronary over I would gladly oblige.  Look for link to this post in the future if Blogger & I can ever get on the same page. (darn it! ....it's a good post too)

5) Ex and I continue to be co-dependent and dysfunctional (Alisa--notice how I include myself in this diagnosis?).  So I am in the process of re-defining relationship with Ex because we do have Thing One & Thing Two together and we were married twenty years and (as I've told many of my friends) even though I'm nauseous over how many roses are coming up in his life, I don't exactly wish him death either.  But it's difficult to change your relationship with someone.  The "someone" usually doesn't like it. (The Dance of Anger, anyone? great book on this subject. should read if you have any relationships)

He's loves to "confide" in me occasionally, certain aspects of his love-life.  Which is simultaneously gross and front-row-seat-at-a-train-wreck--ish.  I can't help but be rapt over the second aspect.  The first aspect I could live without.  But therapist has convinced me that neither aspect is good for me.  Ohhh .....if only I didn't Blog With Integrity .......the stories I could tell ........

6) Certain extremely close family members (as in parents)(as in both) have been diagnosed with several, separate, serious medical conditions and have undergone serious procedures these past few months.  Despite this, they are strong and independent and have not needed any help from me.  And despite this, I am sad.

7) The number one you-must-take-your-chance item facing me is .........finding myself a full-time job that is (hopefully) rewarding and gives me a regular stream of wheelbarrows full of self-respect.  Oh and a "giving back to the world somehow" quality would be cool too.  This item scares the living merde out of me. (thanks Delana! you made me think about merde today!!)(oh and sorry, all, for grossness of next-to-last statement)  Yep this one is my super scary monster you must take your chance challenge.  I'm making it sound funny, but I'm not laughing at all .....

My current part-time job at an accounting firm (in which I am simply an administrative assistant but which has gotten me through the past 3 years beautifully) is a great job.  But there is no full-time position available and plus a writer in an accounting firm is rather a square peg ........I need to get seriously job searching.  Now.  And I need this blog to blog about it.  And my boss reads my blog (well he knows about it anyway ....).  If you haven't added 2+2 yet, let me break it down another way: Me looking for another job + Boss reading about said job search=Uncomfortable atmosphere at work.  Or =Me-no-even-part-time-job-anymore.

All is well though.  I've recently spoken to fabulous boss (hi Pat!) about my need to find a full-time position that is both professionally and financially rewarding.  And he completely understands.  So now I can agonize about it here all I want!  I'll bet you can't wait .....

8)  I've gained twenty pounds over the past four years.  Am particularly noticing this "difference" the closer I get to almost-19 & 17-years-ago-pregnancy weight.  WTF!!!!!!!!!!

Don't ask me how this affected my blog writing.  But it did.

9) Experienced Thing-One's first heartbreak with him.  I never realized how heartbreaking it is when your child is heartbroken.

Honestly, this seriously set me back.  Of course I won't blog about it (any more than this).  Thing One is my most loyal reader. (hi Thing One!)  Btw, isn't that dear of him?

10) Did I mention I lost faith in myself?  I just ......did.  Despite my frequent ditzi-ness, I'm also kinda anal and perfectionistic and decidedly not ditzi.  And .....I AM A WRITER.  As such this blog is that seed I'm nurturing.  My standards for my craft are high yet I'm the first to say I'm not "there" yet in the craft.  I've got much to learn and skills to hone.

So please forgive the occasional "dumb", "less than inspiring", "huh?" post.  And forgive my occasional "absences".  I know my Gemini-self well--both will happen occasionally.  Please have faith in me when I've apparently lost faith.  I will eventually find it again.  I will always come back.

Oh duh!  11) I work in an ACCOUNTING FIRM and it was TAX SEASON!

Thank-you! my dear reader-friends for hanging with me.

I'm Back

Hi y'all!  (ummm, no, I haven't acquired a southern accent in my absence ......I'm just trying to set a friendly tone and nothing like a happy 'hi y'all!' for that)

Plus in an email I wrote earlier today, I threw-in a "y'all" and it made me feel good. (Perhaps I should acquire a southern accent?)

So I know.  I have been absent.  I had lunch with a close friend today (hi Patricia!) and when the subject rolled around to my blog, or more precisely the lack of it, Patricia announced that the the last post I'd written was March 7th.  Which shocked me that she knew the date so precisely off the top of her head. 

I'll bet you're also thinking I was shocked to realize it's been nearly two months since my last post.  But I'm not.  You can't write a blog and then not write a blog and be shocked by it's absence.  It's a bit like losing a baby .......and then wondering two months later ........where's the baby?

So I have 5,000 excuses reasons why I have bailed on You Must Take Your Chance but for simplicity's sake let's just distill it down to one--I've been in no shape to take a chance for awhile.  Not to worry.  Nothing earth-shattering has happened to me the likes of which haven't been happening to you either.  Just life.  And my need--as I mentioned in my last post on March 7th, to hiberate (which was a great analogy in March when it was still bitterly cold, but on this balmy day in May isn't working for me) so let's just say my need--to be quiet for awhile. 

My dictionary defines chrysalis as "2. A protected stage of development" (after "1. A pupa, esp. of a butterfly, enclosed in a firm case or cocoon." which is not where I'm going here, although the butterfly metaphor is a lovely one .....perhaps one day?) 

No, I'm not assuming I'm emerging as a butterfly, but this post is assuming that I am emerging, evolved somehow.  I feel the words (wings?) waking up inside me, ready to stretch and feel the sun. 

It feels good to be back ya'll ...... I've missed you.
 

The Weary Kind

Oh my poor bloggy blog!  And readers, let me first fling open the door and sweep away the cobwebs before you come in ......

For reasons, some of them I understand and some of them I don't, I haven't blogged for over two weeks.  I liken it most to hibernation.  My soul is a bit battered I have to admit.  But frankly, who's soul isn't a bit battered?

And double-frankly, what would life be like if everything went smoothly and graced us with only happiness all of the time?  Ick.  Boring.  Vanilla.  Please pinch me and wake me up from this wonderful dream!

I tend to allude to it only occasionally, but really, the reason and focus of this blog is to help me find my way through this period of my life.  If we live long enough (like more than one minute) we are all faced with our changing lives and having to adapt to them.  But certain phases are particularly difficult.  And these days if you're so inclined, there is this opportunity to blog about it.  My sincere hope for anyone who chooses to read this blog is that you find a comaraderie and the occasional inspiration to help you through whatever phase in life you are facing, whether you are finding it particularly difficult or not. 

In other words this is not an online diary but hopefully a living, breathing dialogue that benefits me and you. 

That said, I'm sorry I've bailed on you for the past two weeks.  But honestly it will probably happen again now & then.  It is my way.  Sometimes I need to retreat.  Sometimes I need to hibernate.  I need to rest and lick my wounds.  I need to be alone and to be introspective and to be quiet.  I need to grow and to get stronger.  And I need to wait for my compass to realign and point the way.

*****

Jeff Bridges in Crazy Heart

I've seen Crazy Heart twice in so many days--the Jeff Bridges movie in which he's up for best actor tonight?  Ok so it's crazy good.  I will cry my eyeballs out if he doesn't win the Oscar.  Go see it in the theater if you can.  I don't want to spoil it by giving any of it away but let me say this .....I am the biggest fan of music but definitely not a big country music fan.  As a point of illustration I went out of my way a few weeks ago to track down the only non-country music bar in all of Nashville, which I now regret.  If you don't already know Crazy Heart is about a washed-up country-music man ....

(OMG and the literal thousands of parallels to ex-boyfriend musician Steve are literally hysterical starting with when he stumbles out of his beat-up thirty year-old Suburban after a long drive between gigs, with his pants and belt buckle undone .....and ending with when I ask him from my nice little suburban house in Virginia which hotel he's in while he's on the road and he answers he has no idea what f***ing hotel he's in, "Hell I don't even know what f***ing town I'm in!")

.....so after watching Crazy Heart, I realize I should have totally soaked up every bit of country music in Nashville while I had the opportunity.  Nothing like being country music serenaded while staring down hard times.  I should have totally been there.

Country music is perfect for this movie.  And this is a near perfect movie.  Go see it.

I want to leave you with the theme song from Crazy Heart which is also up for Best Original Song tonight and which also could be the theme song for today's post: The Weary Kind, Ryan Bingham and T Bone Burnett

The Weary Kind

(Theme from Crazy Heart)

Ryan Bingham and T Bone Burnett

Your Heart's on the loose

You rolled those sevens with

Nothin' to lose

This ain't no place for

The weary kind

You called all your shots

Shootin' eight balls at the corner

Truck stop

Somehow this don't feel like home

Anymore

This ain't no place

For the weary kind

This ain't no place

To lose your mind

This ain't no place to fall behind

Pick up your crazy heart and give it one

More try

Your body aches

From playing your guitar and sweatin'

out the hate

The days and the nights all feel

The same

The whiskey has been

The thorn in your side that

Doesn't forgive

The highway that calls for your

Heart inside

This ain't no place for

The weary kind

This ain't no place to lose your mind

This ain't no place to fall behind

Pick up your crazy heart and give

It one more try

Your lover's warm kiss

Is too damn far from your fingertips

You are the man that ruined the world

Your heart's on the loose

You rolled them sevens with

Nothin' to lose

This ain't no place for

The weary kind

Crazy Heart Official Website

Two Conclusions

I have realized (particularly this past week) two things: 1) that my inspiration to blog comes in the feast or famine variety (all at once or none at all) and 2) that I think I was a man in a previous life.

I shall begin by apologizing for the recent famine portion of You Must Take Your Chance. Yes, first I was busy getting ready to go to Blissdom '10 (bloggers conference this past weekend). Then, I was busy at Blissdom '10. Then, I was exhausted after returning home from Blissdom '10. And finally, I think I was a little "tweaked" out by Blissdom '10.

Let me say it was an amazing experience.

Andi of Misadventures With Andi and Alisa of Project Happily Ever After and I were the three amigos at Blissdom '10. Andi and Alisa being infinitely more knowledgeable than me, way more "connected" than me, and inexplicably kind and patient with me. Here's a cute example of what I'm talking about: one of the first things you do upon arriving at the Opryland Hotel in Nashville is to toddle over to the Blissdom '10 registration counter to register that you have arrived. Upon registering you receive I swear the nicest canvas bag Land's End has to offer (which is going to become my favorite beach bag this summer) filled to the brim with stuff! Make-up, bags of chips & candy (Bliss Chocolates, of course), a sweet necklace with a freshwater pearl & a silver charm embossed with "bliss", facial products from my super-fave facial products company, Bliss! A pair of nice socks, an aluminum water bottle, etc. You get the idea. The bag was overflowing with cool stuff. Swag. So I exclaim to A & A, "It's like a swag bag!!!" And A & A who did not flinch and were sweet as could be said, "Yes Laurie .....it IS a swag bag". In my defense, I was referring to The Night At The Oscars-variety of swag bag because, until now, I didn't know people besides celebrities ever received such things. Ultimately I had to leave half of the swag there because I couldn't fit it all in my suitcase. But that's ok because I left the baby pacifiers and the salty onion strings that give me canker sores and other swag that I wouldn't use anyway. Hopefully the hotel cleaning staff can use such swag.

My emptied out swag bag--nice huh?

But I obsess. Here's something else at the conference I obsessed about--the attendees and their laptops. Ok it's a bloggers conference. There are going to be lots of laptops. There were. At one point during a session with distinguished panelists blathering on helpfully informing us about successful blogging technique (which btw includes consistent, predictable posting), I was drifting a bit and I began to count how many laptops were in my range of vision--I'm assuming these people are taking notes. By the time I got to thirty-eight, I finally realize that every single laptop in my view (and I wasn't done counting yet) had the same exact screen open--Twitter!!! (Y-e-s ....I kind-of tweet. In the one-way announcing what I'm doing at that moment manner. You can imagine how many re-tweets I get)  But even though I was a bit bored at this particular juncture, I didn't have to remind myself that I was paying for this advice! I'm not going to sit there and monitor the thousands of people I follow (in actuality I follow 12) on Twitter. It's rude! It's living in an alternate universe. It's kind of creepy. And I feel about one hundred and fifty years-old. Like what it must have felt like to be sitting up high on your rather elegant horse-pulled buggy as the smoke-belching, ear-splitting cacophony of the first Model A's jalopied by.

Eventually I counted sixty-seven laptops in view; fifty-five on Twitter and the remaining twelve appeared to be shopping. Nobody was blogging. And apparently no one was listening. Including me (too busy counting and getting creeped out, imagining if I peel back their skin, I will discover androids as in the "Ash"-variety from Alien).

At one point, in the throes of all this, both Andi and Alisa agree that there are far fewer laptops than they've encountered at previous bloggers conferences!!!!!!! I'm speechless. Up on my buggy.

There is more to tell which I will elaborate on in future posts: my moment with Harry Connick Jr. in which he has his arm around me (of which there is a picture and of which I'm only one of the five hundred or so attendees of the conference that he (poor guy) eventually had his arm around for what must have seemed like ten-thousand pictures); my night out on the town in Nashville; the best southern food ever eaten at what must be the best southern fried food restaurant in the world after what must be the most nerve-wracking and expensive ride around the Tennessee countryside after dark ever; and the pièce de résistance ......the fact that during the entire weekend of the conference I shared a hotel with the First Annual National Tea Party Convention where the keynote speaker was Sarah Palin!!!!!!!!!!!!! Keeping my snarky comments and opinions about this fascinating "opportunity" all weekend long was a study in serious self-control.

But finally, I must comment on why I believe I may have a been a man in a previous life.

This conference conjured up a number of past experiences, none of which I count as I my favorite ones, and none of which I've lumped together until now. And let me say first that I'm the weird one here--but there is something about a bunch of frenzied, weepy women all obsessed on the same thing that makes me very uncomfortable. (As in how I imagine a man might feel in similar circumstances) My dear sorority sisters can attest to this. I always had one foot in and one foot out of that sorority house never quite completely committing to the Tri-Delta way-to-live-college-life pledge. My dear PTA friends will concur. Once I received Volunteer of the Year, they never saw me again! (my kids were literally begging me to "not do PTA"). And my friend Lisa who's helmed a very successful scrapbooking business for at least the past fifteen years knows by now that I will almost always say I'm going to attend the next big scrapbooking bonanza, I always pay for it, and I almost always never show up!! (I'm sorry Lisa)

So what is it about a mob of super-organized, super-estrogened women all focused on one common goal that freaks me out? I don't know. You can't complain about the literally "excessive" organization--it's WAY better than a strictly male-organized conference which would likely be a mess of monumental proportions. I'm more of a girly-girl than a not-girly-girl .......so god knows I can be emotional. I don't know. I just wish this conference wasn't so strictly a woman's conference. It's not the sexual tension that would probably exist in a conference attended equally by men & women that I miss. I think it's just a balance I'm craving--not too much estrogen. Not too much frenzy. Not too much weeping. (Yes there was a fair amount of weeping!) Not too much female point-of-view? Ugh. I don't know. Girls’ rock! Maybe it was just my first bloggers conference and I felt a sense of being an outsider looking-in? Or being a man in a previous life?? What? Ok this post is getting ridiculous and making no sense.

I shall wrap up by reiterating (just ignore previous negatively-toned paragraphs) that the conference couldn't possibly have been lovelier. Or better organized. It was fantastic. I learned a lot. I had so much fun with Andi and Alisa. I met a lot of other great women too. Harry Connick Jr. had his arm around me (for a millisecond). And I got to see that Sarah Palin supporters are people too (people who wear baseball caps with white George Washington ponytails attached to the back and who carry around giant head-shot posters--of the ex-presidential candidate and the ex-Alaskan governor and the ex-mother-in-law-to-be to Levi Johnston--on sticks.)

As for my conclusions, I will just have to stick to blogging when I'm inspired and hope that I'm inspired on a fairly regular basis; and I'll bet that I was a man in a previous life who got stuck at an all-female bloggers conference and hope that I can get past this odd sentiment to completely enjoy myself as a female in this life at the next one.

Cute Picture of cute friends who are NOT the weepy females 

I was referrring to!

PS--be sure to check out Andi's and Alisa's blogs.  They are both very smart girls with very cool blogs who couldn't possibly be nicer.  Andi's blog Misadventures With Andi is simply fun and topical and very professional.  And Alisa's Project Happily Ever After is a wicked, laser-insightful blog on making marriages/relationships work (her book Project Happily Ever After will be out later this year!).

I Love To Dance

A Conversation Between You & Me

What will I be doing one week from today you ask?  (you were going to ask me that right?)
I will be winging to Nashville!  Tennessee!!  For this:

What's this you ask?
It's a bloggers conference.  Now I'm a little mad they stole my "bliss" idea .......

How long have I been blogging you ask? 
Three months.

They had Blissdom '09 last year you say? And Blissdom '08 the year before?
Oh.  Well then they should consider giving me a discount since they & I are obviously of like mind!

*****

Ok, so I totally can't wait!  But I'm also somewhat intimidated.  I'm going by myself!  And I've only been doing this for a few months!!  OMG what was I thinking!!! 

Oh and btw I don't have a laptop *bombshell* I know.  I told everyone at work yesterday ...

(I have never once brought up my part-time job at a small accounting firm in Virginia Beach .....I've been saving it for a future post(s) ......I love it and work with some v-e-r-y fascinating people (hi y'all!) ......and wrapping up--get your tax stuff to your accountant NOW!!!! ......you can thank me for this very excellent advice on April 15th) 

...so yesterday I told everyone at work about the Blissdom conference.  They all looked at me rather mystified as I prattled on about the accommodations and the fact that Harry Connick, Jr. will be singing for us Saturday night and that I'm determined not to buy one single article of new clothing for this grand adventure (my M.O. is to run out and buy expensive things right before an exciting trip) and that I don't have a laptop which is a bit like arriving at a polo tournament without your horse!  As I said--mystified.

Two days ago, I called Ex who recently bought himself a very pretty, apple-red Dell laptop .......to ask if I could borrow his old laptop for the conference.  When I asked him he said "no" at which point I was congratulating myself for divorcing this "doesn't share well with others" person when he said ......are you ready for this? ........"I'm planning on getting you one of your own".  Really??!!  choke  He's pleased because for once, I'm speechless. 

Disclaimer: remember reconciliation is completely and totally not ever going to be a concept--I said before that I would occasionally say nice things about Ex--we're just a great divorced couple who mostly are pretty darn nice to each other.  He apparently plans to be nice about a new laptop!  We shall see.  Oh in case you're wondering too since it's now in writing on my blog if I'm using this as coercion, don't worry about that either--Ex doesn't read my blog.  Umm let's see, he's probably asked me the name of my blog fifteen times so far because he keeps forgetting  [really?]  Reconciliation?  Uh no, never.  Even if there is a laptop in my near future.

While we're on the subject, here's an update on Steve (who also never reads my blog and has no idea what it's called even though a number of his friends (hi Randy!) read it and, even, remember the name of it ......mental note: find nice man who shows a passing interest in my interests) Ok Steve update: we are not together anymore but we've talked a couple of times.  So that's good.  I don't want him out of my life for good.  I need him around for comic relief!  But as Randy recently said "Lord help the woman that loves him!!" and, I think, he was talking to me .....

Enough for today.  Tomorrow ...what's a Poken?

Despite The Cold

Poetry Girl Sunday--Dear God

Today for Poetry Girl Sunday, I am featuring one of my favorite bloggers jenx67.  You can find her in my Golden Blogroll--down, down--in the right sidebar.  Her blog is dedicated to celebrating & commenting on all things Generation X; the generation loosely defined as those people born between 1961-1981 (the generation on the heels of the Baby Boomers).  One of the things that distinctifies Generation X is that we are aging.  Much to our surprise.

(btw, I was born in May 1961 so I am barely a Generation X-er--well me and George Clooney who was born 18 days before me--charming company although he appears to like years-younger women not days-younger women .....sigh)

Aging.  Not a new human experience.  If life is a mountain, it is as if I have reached a clearing near the top.  I've stopped here for awhile and am resting.  I look all around me--I can see the path I have taken to get here.  I can see others behind me, on their way up.  I can see those ahead of me on the path making their way down the mountain. I can see the path in front of me leading into the future.  It is, at once, magnificent and daunting. It is empowering and heartbreaking. Frightening and exciting.  Mysterious and certain. Validating and invalidating.

Dear God, why must life be so impervious, relentless, and unforgiving?

Two concepts of aging have quietly introduced themselves to me in my mountaintop clearing that go beyond the expected aging concepts in which you become less attractive and more frail : 1) other people in my life are aging too!  Oh no!! and 2) I feel the same as I always have ...only perhaps ...(only slightly) wiser.

jenx's poem "leaving you just when i needed to most" will possibly leave you perplexed.  But please read it not worrying about what jenx meant ....think about what it might mean to you.  The best poets want to leave you with an insight into your own life, not theirs.  After I read "leaving you just when i needed to most" this past week, without consciously bidding it, her strong images of loss and grief kept coming back to me. 

Who wants that you might ask? 

But from my mountain-top perspective, I know you can't live long enough to reach the clearing without experiencing loss.  And I realize I need to reconcile my own feelings of loss before I can move on.  I can't head into the future without a sense of peace about ALL aspects of life including the impervious, relentless, unforgiving, and yes, grief-filled aspects.

Ironically (or not--connections are everywhere if you look for them), the same day I read jenx's poem, I opened my new Mark Knopfler (of Dire Straits) CD, Get Lucky.  The second track is called "Hard Shoulder".

Read jenx's poem and let the images speak to you.  Listen to Mark Knopfler's "Hard Shoulder" too.  For me, perhaps inexplicably, they call out to one another and they are both calling out to me.  Think about the feelings they invoke.  Feel at one with each because you've experienced loss and disappointment and failure too.  Feel unburdened by kindred spirits.  Feel a connection to another human being.  Feel, no matter where you are on the mountain, a sort of transcendence beyond your moment by moment, minute by minute life--dare to feel it all; dare to feel the very most alive.

*****

leaving you just when i needed to most

Let me just tell the world:
I left you today
And I’m certain when I did,
I chipped a tile
From the Mosaic
The fractured Bride of God.

It seems I had no choice
For 25 some-odd years I’ve watched
The same man
Silver hair and a gold horn
He played it like me
But, safer
And, you know,

I didn’t.

I fancied myself bombastic
Like James the Less
And, now here I am
No more casseroles to supplant our superficial conversations
You left
Just when you needed me most.

And, so this is what I choose for myself
This fractured daughter of God.

I stuff the change in my cold Armani pocket
And, I hold the door behind me
For you, a stranger
Four gallons of water looped around your fingers
They sway you in the Oklahoma wind
You smile with heartbroken
Ghastly yellow teeth
And, say with Broadway exuberance
My radiator is overheating and
I have to have all this water just to get home!

You twirl oddly in the wind
Talking to the sky
And, I leave you.
Just like everyone else
And I carry myself, all privilege gone
To a business appointment
Which I want to abandon
To sit with you in the Oklahoma wind
Cradle you on this prairie
And tell you

Why do we answer questions
No one is asking?
Did you think your sorrow would escape me?
It did not

Tonight, you’ll cook your crank in a bath tub
But, only after we find a new radiator
Together at a junkyard
Just like my dad had to do a dozen times.
And, I’ll hold you in a rusted automobile
And beat my chest and say
We are having church!

My God, we are having church
All you effing sonsofbitches.

But, I am dreaming.
I have missed another opportunity
And, I was missed a dozen times
1,500 lonely days
We beat crickets off us while we watched Kimmy eat a bug.
Survivors. It was so long ago.

The radiator hisses
like the last summer of childhood
Lizard juice and burned rubber
The wishes boiled and smoked
And, I was too proud.
I wanted everyone to read my mind.

But, I would not change it
I am halfway to the skeleton frame
Where I belong.

I am leaving you.
I know.
You were innocent like me.
Keeping appointments
God never intended you to make to begin with.
                                                  --jenx67


Mark Knopfler, Hard Shoulder

Hard Shoulder

I've got latches for windows, handles for doors
Grinders and scrapers and sanders for floors
Rake for the gravel, chains for the snow
Always got the shovel - you never know
I never thought you'd go

Man's broken down
Man's broken down on the slip road
Got a slipped load
And it's a hard shoulder to cry on

Hacksaws and hammers, brushes and mop
Then I've got the ladders up on the top
If something needs doing, I always say
You want it done the proper way
I need you to stay

Man's broken down
Man's broken down on the slip road
Got a slipped load
And it's a hard shoulder to cry on

Give me a minute we'll be going again
Sound as a pound, right as rain
- right as rain
And it's a hard shoulder to cry on
- to cry on
                                                  --Mark Knopfler


PS--be sure to check-out jenx67--are you there God? it's me generation X

Ad Nauseum

Sad? Lonely?? Go Pick Up A DROID

Yesterday I took Thing One to Verizon because his cell phone’s space-key doesn’t work anymore and the connection between his charger & phone has completely fizzled.  He’s going back to school soon and his phone has become essentially worthless.

Remember Thing One goes to Virginia Tech? He’s enrolled in the School of Engineering, majoring in Computer Science, and has a 4.0 so far. Naturally I’m quite proud, even more relieved, and completely bamboozled as to where he gets his good sense from ……..

In any case, into the cell phone store yesterday, he & I traipse. I know that in some sly fashion, or else in a blatantly un-sly fashion (they don’t care!), I always get “had” at Verizon every time I cross its threshold. So I’m not nearly as enthused as Thing One is on this errand.

It’s been a rough week for me as many of you who have kindly sent your kind regards my way (I am so very appreciative, please know) are aware. I’m rather “just going through the motions” which is completely normal after a >four-year relationship comes to an end so let’s not indulge me too much. As a matter of fact, in the “things could be much worse” department, the morning after my sad-sack-last-post, I was off to work when I saw that a home in my neighborhood had gone up in flames!!!!!!!!! There’s crime scene tape everywhere and blackened, broken windows that have been wide open this whole 20 degree weather weekend, replete with singed draperies flapping in and out of the frigid breeze. Awful. From what I gather, no one was hurt and the stove had been left on. But seriously, in that light, I was humbled.

Still …..I’m sad.

But at Verizon I am cheerfully informed that my contract is up for renewal which means that I can buy a new phone at an insanely inflated price, but wait!! It’s a good deal because without the new contract the new phone costs $10 million dollars! So it’s a STEAL!!!!!!???

Now I’ve been happy with my nifty phone—it’s only two years old. It’s working fine and only shows signs of wear where the salt water literally “burned off” the pretty chrome parts when me & my book club girlfriends (Hi you guys!) were caught out in a hurricane-style, sudden thunderstorm one, initially, lovely summer evening at the beach this past August. Suffice to say it became a rather dripping wet keystone cops affair and we were quite lucky that we weren’t struck by lightening, and that in the end, it was only my pretty phone that gave away the rather insane aspects of the ordeal. (read: my phone spent the evening swimming around in the tidal pool created in my beach bag along with my sunscreen and sunglasses that naturally had been rendered completely useless by the current state of affairs—i.e. a hurricane). And naturally, as these brushes with danger go, we laughed ourselves silly when it was all over and broke open countless bottles of wine to celebrate our aliveness.

The salesman at Verizon began taking Thing One & I around the store on a tour of every inflated-priced phone they are currently offering (read: all of them). Now I have been mildly flirting with the idea of my next phone being a Smartphone; particularly since I started blogging in October and even more particularly since everyone else seems to be having so much fun Tweeting and me & my pretty phone just look at each other and say “Tweet” …what?

So I say to the salesman, what about this phone?

Long story short-ish, not only did I end up with the world’s currently most spectacular cell phone—YEP!!!! The Motorola DROID! But so did Thing One! (he used his own money) And he & I have been out of our minds obsessed with our new phones now for the past 32 hours!

Me & Thing One

I was playing with it in bed at 4:30 this morning and I got only approximately four hours of sleep last night.

I’ve had to fully charge it three times already—its only drawback-so far.

Thing One and I keep running through the house to tell each other about something new & amazing we just discovered our new phones do, or some ridiculous cool App we found. We’re texting & tweeting & emailing each other constantly. Did you know that all the smiley emoticons (there are like fifty different one’s right on the keyboard!) are smiley’s, but they’re little smiley DROIDS??????? Cute! (turns out you only see them as droids if you have a DROID, but who cares?!)

And the Apps!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!! There’s an App to make your phone a vibrator!!! (no! I did not download that …) There’s an App, in case you don’t have a coin handy, for flipping a coin—it puts a virtual coin on your screen and with a flick of your wrist, it’s heads or tails!! There is a Fartdroid App that makes numerous different fart noises with names like “poot”, “ker-plop!”, “sqeeky”, and (ick) “rim shot”. I know this because I did download Fartdroid. The icon is the cutest little droid farting and I couldn’t resist it.

Oh there are really practical Apps too. How about the Google Places App, Thing One found? Which for any attraction, bank, bar, coffee shop, gas station, hotel, hospital, movie theater, parking lot, restaurant, shopping mall, & taxi stand, will alert you to it’s nearby existence and literally point the way! As if you would, in Frankenstein-with-a-divining-rod fashion, stumble your way there! But seriously, how cool!

I may have to write just a few more posts on the subject because I haven’t even touched on how hilarious the chasm is between the speed at which Thing One had his DROID up & humming along, already running fifty Apps, while I’m still quizzically turning my DROID over & over trying to find the “on” switch.

Needless to say, Thing One has been more helpful to me than I have been to him. (I did tell him about the Fartdroid App though)

And can you imagine poor Thing Two—who managed to lose his phone a year ago and then, quite fortunately under the circumstances, received a new one because it was such a pain in his mother’s a** that he didn’t have a phone anymore. Now his “new” phone is a year old and he is not eligible for a “new-new” phone. The shenanigans between Thing One & I this past day are about to make him, I’m guessing, puke. He now has to cope with merely owning a plain phone that was once the envy of Thing One’s eye (who couldn’t believe his brother lost a phone and then promptly gets it replaced with a new, cooler phone)(but I explained that already), but sadly one year later pales in comparison to our DROIDS. He's coping by playing non-stop Grand Theft Auto IV which I allowed him to use his own money to buy yesterday while I was in my “looky my new phone!” haze. I can hear it downstairs right now honking and crashing into guardrails and spewing out lots of bad words that I would normally not tolerate except I’m so in love with my new phone that I’m walking into walls instead of making sure my child is playing a more suitable game.

Overview:

Nothing soothes a broken heart better than a new cell phone.

Thing One and I have bonded over said phones and he’s a genius in the “technology" department to my “dunce-cap” level of knowledge in said department.

Thing Two has been spoiled in the past but is now paying the price by not having the coolest phone on the planet (anymore) and having to witness Thing One’s and my googly-eyed obsessions with our new phones. At least he has the consolation prize of being left alone with his violent, potty-mouthed X-Box game.

I’ll try not to write ad-nauseum too much more about DROID ….but it’s hard because there is so much more to tell and I admit, I focused too much today on the silliness and not enough on the many seriously respectable qualities of my new boyfriend.

And finally, definitely on a serious note, let’s pray for the nice people in the burned-out house and remind ourselves not to accidentally leave the stove on.

Award!

Favorite Blog-Award!!

Thanks Kimberly, one of my favo bloggers, for giving me an award!  I'm thrilled to pieces!!  I am supposed to list Ten Favorite Things and Ten Favorite Bloggers.  Fun!!!  What a great way to start 2010--mulling over favorite things.  Ok, here goes, neither list in any particular order:

Ten Favorite Things

1 .....Thing One and Thing Two of course!

Christmas Picture 2009--love those two nuts in santa hats!

Christmas Picture 2005--interesting study in contrast!

2 ......Steve, genius, bass-player boyfriend!

Nice hands ......just sayin'

3 .....on my first visit to San Francisco (where Steve lives), we were running errands in the city when he told me to close my eyes.  I could feel him pull the car to the curb and park--then he told me to open my eyes!  Now, at this point, I had seen all the major SF landmarks.  As I'm sure you know San Francisco is an absurdly beautiful, vividly alive city.  And I know this sounds stupid-dramatic but I immediately loved San Francisco with all my heart.  As most of you know too, I am a mostly unpublished poet, so far, but I am a poet nonetheless.  So when I opened my eyes, I was simultaneously stunned at his thoughtfulness and at my shocking lack of inquiring mind for this infamous SF landmark--since I had just six months prior submitted a paper about one of my top-poet idols who literally haunted this place and set the stage for the famous beat poets!  (Kenneth Rexroth--we shall talk about him later)  Why hadn't I thought of City Lights Books??  And truly, how dear it was that Steve had!!! 

Note the banners ......picture taken shortly after the "Mission Accomplished" debacle

hee, hee

Note Steve ....incessantly on phone booking gigs and ......

Vesuvio's (yellow) next door to City Lights where the Beats would drink themselves silly into wee hours of the morning and subsequently write brillz (thanks Josh, lurv this word) poetry

  

Inside City Lights ......Poetry Room upstairs!

And finally .....nirvana=extremely favorite thing

4 .....the sweet smell of the grass, the sea, and silage (very stinky, fermenting "forage plants" (read "grass") that cows love) on the Sherman's Farm, Whidbey Island, Washington.

Ebey's Prairie
Yes, you may fling my ashes here some very distant day

5 .....going to sleep to the sound of waves on the beach.

Cherokee By Design

listen: YouTube--sleepy sounds of beach waves

6 .....the cutest ferret ever!

I know ....I can't believe I haven't mentioned Puck before!
This is darling Puck, our ferret, who will soon be the subject of my next Cast of Characters post.
Stay tuned!!

7 .....singing in the car.  Ok believe it or not, I have no pictures of myself singing in the car.  But I'm not joking about this ....i LOVE to sing and i LOVE to sing in the car the most!!!  Make this little van white and that is me warbling that tune out the window.  PS--interestingly this adorable quality drives musician-boyfriend crazy!!!!  He swears (he does!) that it's not because I'm a bad singer .....but apparently a friend of his growing up used to sing in the car when Steve's mom & dad were driving and it embarrassed Steve that his friend was singing in front of Steve's parents???  Or some nonsense like that?!

Let me fill you all in on a little secret--professional musicians can be jerks about music to non-professionals.  And weirdly lots of them do not like singers!  Who knew??!!  So I'm really into music and humbly feel that I'm rather hip about it (that just tells you right there that I'm not, but anyway) so it's a bummer when you love music, and your best "instrument" is your voice (I've been singing my head off since I was born), and your professional musician boyfriend can't stand singing!  Especially in the car!!  Which just tells me, the non-professional, that he's missing a music-link somewhere ......so there.  La la la! 

http://images.mileone.com/SARAH/Newsletter/September/sing_a_long.jpg

8 .....snow skiing.  I heart snow skiing more than words can describe.  I will just say that I am SO HAPPY when I'm skiing!

From a chair-lift at Snowshoe, West Virginia

(See the moon?)

9 .....Emily Blunt.  My new super-favo actress!!!!  Loved her huge in the most make you laugh--make you cry next, wonderful little movie this year called Sunshine Cleaning  (it's out on DVD now).  And just today!! Saw her in Young Victoria  (if "Trailer" on website doesn't work, try "Video") ..........about Queen Victoria at the beginning of her reign in 1837 and she & Albert's unusually lovely marriage.  Sigh.  Two great movies!!!!  One great actress!! 

Emily Blunt in "Sunshine Cleaning"

Emily Blunt in "Young Victoria"

10 .....Starry night in a clear black sky very far away from civilization. 

There are more stars than you ever knew existed!!!!!!  It makes you feel small.  It makes you feel large.  It makes you feel profound.  It is one of my most favorite things but there's not a picture alive that can do it justice.  Just imagine being outside with no man-made light for miles, in the dark, looking up at the black sky punctuated by zillions of stars .....the sight of which takes your breath away.

*****

Ten (Fifteen!) Favorite Blogs

Oh it's too hard to narrow them to ten .....but these fifteen, so far, are my regular happy reads!

365 Days Of Sun and Terra Del Sole (Thanks again Kimberly for the award!)

Glimpse - Jeanine Payer's Jewelry Blog
The Maaaaa of Pricilla
Let's Have A Cocktail
Lick The Bowl Good
Misadventures With Andi
Josh Is Trashy
i am bossy
Feeding Five For Fifty
Are You There God? It's Me, Generation X
The Pioneer Woman
Quiet Life
my hidden muse
Under The Sheets Shhh

Real Joys

from knockknockstuff.com

All right, in the same vein as yesterday's Scroogy post, but on a lighter note .....I happened to pick up this little gem the other day from a gift shop on Colley Avenue here in Norfolk, VA, called Texture.  It's owned by a very cool artist/businesswoman, Gail Juren, and her shop is filled with all sorts of imaginative, helpful, interesting, beautiful, hilarious stuff.  This little book being one of them ....

(You can also get it from knockknockstuff.com which has multitudes of hip, very funny gift ideas that are definitely worth checking out):  http://www.knockknock.biz/

Back to the vein of things, at the end of Holiday Remarks & Replies (Pithy Proclamations For Correspondence, Entertaining, Shopping, Gift Giving, Loved Ones, & The Scrooge Within) are some quotes from Famous Scrooges which had me rolling around on the floor in true LMAOOTF style!  Enjoy!!

*****

"Merry Christmas, nearly everybody!" --Ogden Nash

"Christmas begins about the first of December with an office party and ends when you finally realize what you spent, around April fifteenth of the next year." --P. J. O'Rourke

"A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together." --Garrison Keillor

"Nothing says holidays like a cheese log." --Ellen DeGeneres

"Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas?  You know, the birth of Santa." --Matt Groening

"What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day." --Phyllis Diller

"I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six.  Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph." --Shirley Temple

"Most Texans think Hanukkah is some sort of duck call." --Richard Lewis

"Adults can take a simple holiday for children and screw it up.  What began as a presentation of simple gifts to delight and surprise children around the Christmas tree has culminated in a woman opening up six shrimp forks from her dog, who drew her name." --Erma Bombeck

And finally, Mr. Emerson, who says what I was trying to say yesterday, only much more eloquently not to mention succinctly .............

"You will think me very pedantic, gentlemen, but holiday though it may be, I have not the smallest interest in any holiday, except as it celebrates real and not pretended joys." --Ralph Waldo Emerson

*****

So dear readers, my wish for you ....may your holidays be filled to the brim with real joys and totally devoid of pretended ones!!

Not Really Bah! Hum-bug!!

(Jim Carrey, as the miserly Ebenezer Scrooge, in this year's

reincarnation of A Christmas Carol)

And so begins what will likely be a very unpopular post but it's been nagging at me and I simply must write about it.  Note Scrooge .....put here 1) to beat you to the punch and 2) to indicate that I am aware I'm about to come across as Scrooge's modern day great-great-scroogy-grand-child.

George F. Will's recent column in The Washington Post called "The gift of not giving - Solid proof that Uncle Ralph wasted his money" was the first impetus in my thought-process for this post.  And a conversation I had with a respected friend yesterday was my second. 

No,  I take that back .........for some years now I've been struck ........  as I'm scrounging around store after store, after battling tedious traffic, after valiantly scoring a parking space ten miles from the mall--that while my mission is to find the perfect second, third, fourth, & even more (don't forget stocking stuffers!) presents for the same person (like you do for your children & your spouse & other close family & friends?  I totally know you do it too!!), that our Christmastime gift-giving tradition has become insanely stressful, not to mention ridiculous.  Whatever happened to ONE nice thoughtful gift at Christmas?  And Hanukkah for that matter.  Although, and I speak here from experience, at least Hanukkah has maintained a modicum of rationality in the gift-giving department and a primary allegiance to the religious reason it exists.

So that was my first impetus, Mr. Will's column my second, and the conversation with respected friend, third.  Three compelling impetuses (that is a word--I looked it up) equals one potentially controversial, may turn you off, not usually done in the nice little blogosphere I wander around in, post.  But try to retain an open mind as I postulate  .......

I've explained my first revelation about buying sackfuls of presents for each person on your list.  Now for Mr. Will's column:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2009/11/25/AR2009112502653.html . 

The gist is "...the crux of Yuletide economics which common sense suggests and research confirms, is: Gifts that people buy for other people are usually poorly matched to the recipients' preferences.  What the recipients would willingly pay for the gifts is usually less than the givers paid."

Eminent professor at the University of Pennsylvania Wharton business school, Joel Waldfogel, author of  "Scroogenomics: Why You Shouldn't Buy Presents for the Holidays" is cited in Will's column as saying that in his "conservative estimate (sic) in 2007, Americans spent $66 billion on gifts and produced $12 billion less satisfaction than would have been produced if the recipients had spent the $66 billion on themselves."  In other words, a well respected study found that we wasted approximately $12 billion in 2007 on homely sweaters and hideous ties.

And we all know the feeling, don't we? When you receive that gift where your first thought is OMG! What were you thinking? Don't you know me?? Don't you love me???  Replaced hopefully asap with, well I know they meant well ...smile nice so they know that I hate it like it!!  Add all these collective experiences up, and according to Mr. Waldfogel, it equals $12 billion. I'm surprised it's not more actually.  Although honestly once I get to a paltry $1 billion, I begin to lose perspective on that amount of money. So times that by twelve.

Oh, reading further, George says it much more hilariously than me: "Christmas etiquette involves composing one's face to feign pleasure when unwrapping an unwelcome windfall--say a sweater of an applling color and a style that went out in the 1940s--and murmering "Oh, you shouldn't have" without revealing that you mean exactly that.  Price of the sweater: $50.  Value to recipient: $0.  Actually, less than zero, considering the psychological cost of the forced smile."

Now, on to revelatory conversation with friend yesterday who commented that, really, he just loves having all his loved one's gathered together to "laugh & scratch" (I added that--one of my dad's best expressions) for awhile, have a great meal together, and tell everyone how much you love them.

(Not in a weird embarrassing way--in a lovely memorable way)  (Do we even know how to do that?) 

Now reread that and think about it for a minute.  It might seem lame upon the first run-through, and you might wonder how is that any different than Thanksgiving?  But if you keep thinking about it, at least for me, it becomes much, much more appealing.  It's so real & genuine.  And think how much less stress is involved?!  And as far as Thanksgiving goes, we gather then to be thankful, yes .....it is a uniquely American holiday .......and surely it's implied that we all love each other in November, but the big push seems to be thankfulness and Yay for America! unity.  And eating of course.

So I'm not advocating a new, total hardcore no-presents-sit-around-the-tree-and-stare-at-each-other Christmas tradition.  But this I know: the current economy is hard on everyone, everywhere, and we've learned our gift-buying habits at Christmastime are largely a mind-boggling waste of money; we all know that almost everything we really want we can't ask for (unless someone out there is willing to buy me a new laptop with a nice big hard drive and a giant screen?); and this most especially .......we simply don't tell each other we love them enough.  In my opinion, I think we use gifts too much to do that job. 

Like all the wine & cheese I sent every single Christmas to my uncle and my aunt, both of whom passed away this year, probably was not as meaningful as if I had sincerely told them, even one time, 'I really love you and you've been an important part of my life'.

I know!  I know!  You're thinking, I tell certain people that I love them all the time!  But, speaking for myself, of all the people who currently people and in the past have-peopled my life, who I really and truly love and loved--I've not told the vast majority of them that simple fact.  And I don't think I'm alone in that regard.

Despite the profoundly religious reason we celebrate Christmas, whether we like it or not, Christmas has morphed into a lot more.  Some good.  But a lot bad.  I'm just thinking ......I'm going cut down on the bad parts and focus more on the good parts.  (Thing One and Thing Two must be having a fit right now!)(Don't worry T1 & T2) 

So dear friends in my life and dear family and dear anybody else, when I tell you how much I love you this Christmas, don't feel uncomfortable, just feel good and remember it for the rest of your life.  You'll get a gift too, but according to the experts, it will probably make you feel bad and you'll be hopefully forgetting about it as soon as I walk out the door and you toss it in the trash!