Poetry Girl On The Last Day Of January

January

          Again I reply to the triple winds
          running chromatic fifths of derision
          outside my window:
                                          Play louder.
          You will not succeed.  I am
          bound more to my sentences
          the more you batter at me
          to follow you.
                               And the wind,
          as before, fingers perfectly
          its derisive music.
                               --William Carlos Williams

Winter Scene

          There is not a single
          leaf on the cherry tree:

          except when the jay
          plummets in, lights, and,

          in pure clarity, squalls:
          then every branch

          quivers and
          breaks out in blue leaves.
                               --A. R. Ammons

Snow Post Script

Ok well we only got 8" of snow .......but still ........that's 8" more than we usually get!  It's so beautiful.  I have no idea what you people who get snow all the time are complaining about. 

Joking!!! 

Cool, I can hear "crunching" on the street below as a car is going by .......you all know the view off my left shoulder as I sit here typing early on a Sunday morning (see last pic in Snow!!!! post)

More Winter posts to come ....

SNOW!!!!

If you can't tell already, here in the southeast corner--on the coast--of Virginia, we don't get snow very often!  Nobody does on any coast.  I can attest to that growing up as a navy-brat (one more thing I've never talked about on this blog ...but I shall).  So for those of you who have had snow this winter as one "would take a sip of water from a fire hose" (weird analogy but you get it), skip this post!  Cuz we're excited!!  Today. 

Tomorrow when I run out of orange juice may be another story ...

The forecast is calling for anywhere between 6" to 12" (OMG one foot!).  So I'm going to post snow progression pictures at three-ish hour intervals.  Ok so I know I'm not the best photographer (one of my bloggy goals this year--learn to be best photographer) but the idea is to watch the accumulation!

This first set was taken an hour ago in my PJ's with slippers-with-hole on (see pic) so they're a little boring cuz I'm standing inside taking pictures of the outside.  Plus I wanted to get the pristine look (aka the un-messed-up-before-teenage-son-got-out-there-and-mangled-it-all-up look) (that has now happened btw so future pic's will have mangled look) (I'm gonna get snow boots on myself though and take pictures of un-mangled snow as I walk around!) (on second thought, just heard cold gust of sleety snow hit the window I'm sitting next to--perhaps will have some hot chocolate instead?)

from the front door

3 hours later

next morning

you guessed it! the back

3 hours later

next morning

OMG!  Thing One are you reading this????  We should go out and play SpecTrek IN THE SNOW!!

Ok readers, a review:  Thing Two is a sophomore in high school and is (obviously) home with me (although currently outside flinging snow balls at friends).  Thing One is a freshman at Virginia Tech which is in Blacksburg, Virginia--a very long six-hour drive due west almost into West Virginia & Kentucky nestled in between the Blue Ridge Mountains and the Allegheny Mountains.  Blacksburg is currently at 13 degrees with about a foot of snow already.  We're at 25 degrees. 

SpecTrek is this ghost-catching App Thing One & I downloaded onto our DROIDS--it uses GPS to pinpoint your location and it makes up ghosts and places them outside, wherever you may be, within a three-mile radius.  This App is a combination of pure recreation and getting-some-exercise because you have to, kinda, literally, run after these ghosts (they move).  The point is to get close enough to take a picture of the ghosts which equals "catching" them.  Once you catch all the ghosts you win!  Fun!  So in the snow?  FUNNER!!!  

(Although you look like a nut running around with your phone taking pictures of nothing ....so Thing One may not be willing to do that in front of his college-buds .....except he's studying engineering and lives in a dorm where all the residents are studying engineering .....and no offense Thing One but you guys are all pretty d-o-r-k-y ....probably every single one of you has been running around after fake-ghosts all morning while the other college students are still sleeping off hangovers .......good for you Thing One!) (Don't correct me if I'm wrong about this)

Check back for snow-picture updates.  Hey Thing One, send me some snow pic's from Blacksburg and I'll post them! 

Yikes.  What's coming from the other side of the window sounds mean.  Hot chocolate here I come!

No Flowers For You J.D. Salinger

"Who wants flowers when you're dead?  Nobody."

But we will mourn you and be grateful that you wrote your words and be glad they are etched on our lives~

This is how I feel exactly--this second, this afternoon--when we are expecting up to a foot of snow tonight:

It was that kind of a crazy afternoon, terrifically cold, and no sun out or anything, and you felt like you were disappearing every time you crossed a road. --Holden Caulfield, Catcher in the Rye

A Conversation Between You & Me

What will I be doing one week from today you ask?  (you were going to ask me that right?)
I will be winging to Nashville!  Tennessee!!  For this:

What's this you ask?
It's a bloggers conference.  Now I'm a little mad they stole my "bliss" idea .......

How long have I been blogging you ask? 
Three months.

They had Blissdom '09 last year you say? And Blissdom '08 the year before?
Oh.  Well then they should consider giving me a discount since they & I are obviously of like mind!

*****

Ok, so I totally can't wait!  But I'm also somewhat intimidated.  I'm going by myself!  And I've only been doing this for a few months!!  OMG what was I thinking!!! 

Oh and btw I don't have a laptop *bombshell* I know.  I told everyone at work yesterday ...

(I have never once brought up my part-time job at a small accounting firm in Virginia Beach .....I've been saving it for a future post(s) ......I love it and work with some v-e-r-y fascinating people (hi y'all!) ......and wrapping up--get your tax stuff to your accountant NOW!!!! ......you can thank me for this very excellent advice on April 15th) 

...so yesterday I told everyone at work about the Blissdom conference.  They all looked at me rather mystified as I prattled on about the accommodations and the fact that Harry Connick, Jr. will be singing for us Saturday night and that I'm determined not to buy one single article of new clothing for this grand adventure (my M.O. is to run out and buy expensive things right before an exciting trip) and that I don't have a laptop which is a bit like arriving at a polo tournament without your horse!  As I said--mystified.

Two days ago, I called Ex who recently bought himself a very pretty, apple-red Dell laptop .......to ask if I could borrow his old laptop for the conference.  When I asked him he said "no" at which point I was congratulating myself for divorcing this "doesn't share well with others" person when he said ......are you ready for this? ........"I'm planning on getting you one of your own".  Really??!!  choke  He's pleased because for once, I'm speechless. 

Disclaimer: remember reconciliation is completely and totally not ever going to be a concept--I said before that I would occasionally say nice things about Ex--we're just a great divorced couple who mostly are pretty darn nice to each other.  He apparently plans to be nice about a new laptop!  We shall see.  Oh in case you're wondering too since it's now in writing on my blog if I'm using this as coercion, don't worry about that either--Ex doesn't read my blog.  Umm let's see, he's probably asked me the name of my blog fifteen times so far because he keeps forgetting  [really?]  Reconciliation?  Uh no, never.  Even if there is a laptop in my near future.

While we're on the subject, here's an update on Steve (who also never reads my blog and has no idea what it's called even though a number of his friends (hi Randy!) read it and, even, remember the name of it ......mental note: find nice man who shows a passing interest in my interests) Ok Steve update: we are not together anymore but we've talked a couple of times.  So that's good.  I don't want him out of my life for good.  I need him around for comic relief!  But as Randy recently said "Lord help the woman that loves him!!" and, I think, he was talking to me .....

Enough for today.  Tomorrow ...what's a Poken?

Despite The Cold

Poetry Girl Sunday--Dear God

Today for Poetry Girl Sunday, I am featuring one of my favorite bloggers jenx67.  You can find her in my Golden Blogroll--down, down--in the right sidebar.  Her blog is dedicated to celebrating & commenting on all things Generation X; the generation loosely defined as those people born between 1961-1981 (the generation on the heels of the Baby Boomers).  One of the things that distinctifies Generation X is that we are aging.  Much to our surprise.

(btw, I was born in May 1961 so I am barely a Generation X-er--well me and George Clooney who was born 18 days before me--charming company although he appears to like years-younger women not days-younger women .....sigh)

Aging.  Not a new human experience.  If life is a mountain, it is as if I have reached a clearing near the top.  I've stopped here for awhile and am resting.  I look all around me--I can see the path I have taken to get here.  I can see others behind me, on their way up.  I can see those ahead of me on the path making their way down the mountain. I can see the path in front of me leading into the future.  It is, at once, magnificent and daunting. It is empowering and heartbreaking. Frightening and exciting.  Mysterious and certain. Validating and invalidating.

Dear God, why must life be so impervious, relentless, and unforgiving?

Two concepts of aging have quietly introduced themselves to me in my mountaintop clearing that go beyond the expected aging concepts in which you become less attractive and more frail : 1) other people in my life are aging too!  Oh no!! and 2) I feel the same as I always have ...only perhaps ...(only slightly) wiser.

jenx's poem "leaving you just when i needed to most" will possibly leave you perplexed.  But please read it not worrying about what jenx meant ....think about what it might mean to you.  The best poets want to leave you with an insight into your own life, not theirs.  After I read "leaving you just when i needed to most" this past week, without consciously bidding it, her strong images of loss and grief kept coming back to me. 

Who wants that you might ask? 

But from my mountain-top perspective, I know you can't live long enough to reach the clearing without experiencing loss.  And I realize I need to reconcile my own feelings of loss before I can move on.  I can't head into the future without a sense of peace about ALL aspects of life including the impervious, relentless, unforgiving, and yes, grief-filled aspects.

Ironically (or not--connections are everywhere if you look for them), the same day I read jenx's poem, I opened my new Mark Knopfler (of Dire Straits) CD, Get Lucky.  The second track is called "Hard Shoulder".

Read jenx's poem and let the images speak to you.  Listen to Mark Knopfler's "Hard Shoulder" too.  For me, perhaps inexplicably, they call out to one another and they are both calling out to me.  Think about the feelings they invoke.  Feel at one with each because you've experienced loss and disappointment and failure too.  Feel unburdened by kindred spirits.  Feel a connection to another human being.  Feel, no matter where you are on the mountain, a sort of transcendence beyond your moment by moment, minute by minute life--dare to feel it all; dare to feel the very most alive.

*****

leaving you just when i needed to most

Let me just tell the world:
I left you today
And I’m certain when I did,
I chipped a tile
From the Mosaic
The fractured Bride of God.

It seems I had no choice
For 25 some-odd years I’ve watched
The same man
Silver hair and a gold horn
He played it like me
But, safer
And, you know,

I didn’t.

I fancied myself bombastic
Like James the Less
And, now here I am
No more casseroles to supplant our superficial conversations
You left
Just when you needed me most.

And, so this is what I choose for myself
This fractured daughter of God.

I stuff the change in my cold Armani pocket
And, I hold the door behind me
For you, a stranger
Four gallons of water looped around your fingers
They sway you in the Oklahoma wind
You smile with heartbroken
Ghastly yellow teeth
And, say with Broadway exuberance
My radiator is overheating and
I have to have all this water just to get home!

You twirl oddly in the wind
Talking to the sky
And, I leave you.
Just like everyone else
And I carry myself, all privilege gone
To a business appointment
Which I want to abandon
To sit with you in the Oklahoma wind
Cradle you on this prairie
And tell you

Why do we answer questions
No one is asking?
Did you think your sorrow would escape me?
It did not

Tonight, you’ll cook your crank in a bath tub
But, only after we find a new radiator
Together at a junkyard
Just like my dad had to do a dozen times.
And, I’ll hold you in a rusted automobile
And beat my chest and say
We are having church!

My God, we are having church
All you effing sonsofbitches.

But, I am dreaming.
I have missed another opportunity
And, I was missed a dozen times
1,500 lonely days
We beat crickets off us while we watched Kimmy eat a bug.
Survivors. It was so long ago.

The radiator hisses
like the last summer of childhood
Lizard juice and burned rubber
The wishes boiled and smoked
And, I was too proud.
I wanted everyone to read my mind.

But, I would not change it
I am halfway to the skeleton frame
Where I belong.

I am leaving you.
I know.
You were innocent like me.
Keeping appointments
God never intended you to make to begin with.
                                                  --jenx67


Mark Knopfler, Hard Shoulder

Hard Shoulder

I've got latches for windows, handles for doors
Grinders and scrapers and sanders for floors
Rake for the gravel, chains for the snow
Always got the shovel - you never know
I never thought you'd go

Man's broken down
Man's broken down on the slip road
Got a slipped load
And it's a hard shoulder to cry on

Hacksaws and hammers, brushes and mop
Then I've got the ladders up on the top
If something needs doing, I always say
You want it done the proper way
I need you to stay

Man's broken down
Man's broken down on the slip road
Got a slipped load
And it's a hard shoulder to cry on

Give me a minute we'll be going again
Sound as a pound, right as rain
- right as rain
And it's a hard shoulder to cry on
- to cry on
                                                  --Mark Knopfler


PS--be sure to check-out jenx67--are you there God? it's me generation X