I cast myself as the "modern, no nonsense, (invisibly) Z-snapping woman". If I do say so myself.
I take no guff from no guy. I tell him immediately, loudly if necessary, when I know he's behaving badly. And at my medium-age (refuse to say middle-age--"medium-age" much better), I know every guy-trick in the book and may, possibly, be rather jaded. All the boys and men in my life know not to cross me, but of course they do because they're guys, and when it happens they hear about it.
Hmmph. After re-reading, am now thinking of re-casting myself as the "b*tch"!
So it pained me greatly when like an uninvited guest, a certain epiphany, knocked on my door last week. It was actually not a horrible week--I had one night when I couldn't sleep, but I've more than made that up. So what, then?
#1 Scenario involving guy friend who I've known since we were both 14 years-old--I'm not too good when something not-good happens unexpectedly.
Most people probably aren't great at dealing with the unexpected but I'm pretty sure I'm worse than most. And this not-good thing that happened wasn't even that bad! But it hit me wrong for fifty reasons and I reacted quickly and I got pretty upset. It all went down in a "texting-storm":
me: I am REALLY not happy with you ....call me!
him: Can't talk now. Why are you so upset? You act like this was a life threatening event!
me: You could have at least told me about it! It's worse than you're making it! You promised me you would always tell me if something like this happened. I'm so far away ....(sniff)
him: Ugh! I'll try harder but you need to calm down please."You need to calm down (space)(space)(space) please?" "You'll try?" I instantly did as I was told and calmed down! All it took was that "space-space-space please" and I'm fine with you dragging me in my mini-leopard dress into the cave!!!!!!!
#2 Scenario involving boyfriend--I'm tired of fighting with adorable, annoying musician boyfriend who lives on the complete other side of the country.
We haven't seen each other since June which is just too long for a couple to be apart. Of course long-distance relationships are far from ideal and this one is suffering under the circumstances. So the other day we were bickering over something I don't even remember now, and he announces that:
"We are going to be ONLY NICE to each other for two weeks! No resentments. No annoying behavior. And if either of us is resentful or annoying, the other one has to ignore it. For two weeks!"Simple, huh? Will it work? Probably not. But it might! And man! Boy. Have I been nice ever since!! And it's nice ......drag me into the cave and ravish me now, will you?
So what's the deal???? Why is a strong, clear-headed woman folding so easily and letting a (cave)man take charge? I don't know. But I know I'm tired of being in charge of everything, all the time. And I know I'm not right about everything even though I believe I am, most of the time. #1 scenario--you were right that I was overreacting and you told me politely. And you didn't make it worse by getting mad too. Sensitive, respectful, & calm. Thank-you. #2 scenario--you were right that I have not been very nice for awhile and since you took charge and came up with a plan, I will genuinely give it a go. Plus I love you.
The epiphany: every now and then ....especially when I'm behaving badly ....I just need a caveman.